Day Nine

Each night, that I am home, we tuck the girls in and I read from a "little princess" bible and we talk about the topic. What I find amazing is that although the topic is for little girls, I find that I'm being spoken to as well. Tonight's topic was "God is everywhere". You may be following these updates on a daily basis or maybe this is the first time you have clicked on a note and followed this far. So with that being said, please let me give you an update as if you were family. My brother is currently being cared for at Borgess Hospital in Kalamazoo, MI. He has been in critical care for 9 days. His injuries amount to many but most important is the one he endured to his head. I have received a variety of information that has taken me, a normal person, and my family on a roller-coster of emotions. With that being said, I have good news for you tonight. Brad, my brother, has had an encouraging day battling giants. Although he has many hurdles to jump over , today he did a couple things that suggest that he may be able to "make it around the track"! This morning he had purposeful motion with his eyes. This suggests that his brain is responding and his pupils are functioning properly. His ICP's (brain swelling levels) were down and at normal levels today. This is a significantly good thing. Our prayer is that this will stay consistent so that they may remove the brain monitor and be able to proceed with a MRI. They did reinsert his chest tube due to some fluid on the lungs, but this is to be expected when someone has gone through the trauma that Bradley has! Still all this makes me think. It challenges me to slow down and intentionally recognize that God IS everywhere! I can fully and rightfully take in the facts and ingest the bitter medical facts... or I can seek out the God in things. Tonight I will, at all costs, look for God in all things. Why? Because He has promised that He is everywhere. Being a "Big Brother" I feel responsible to say that I think that this is my job! Being everywhere that is. Defending the weak, cheering for the underdog, and being the voice for those that have no voice. But who comes to rescue the "Big Brother"? Who comes to rescue the mom who worries for her child? Who comes to rescue the little girl that is scared of the dark? Who can be everywhere at all times? Well tonight, because of a tiny pink-colored bible, I'm reminded that God is everywhere and in everything! He is in the sky that we take for granted, the time that we have been entrusted with, the people that we encounter during our daily routines, and the moonlight that shares the cosmos with the sun. This is a Big God. This is one that is everywhere. But He is only in what we chose to see. We can deny His existence. We can believe that life ends here. We can deny that children and birth are a miracle. We can believe that our circumstances are a coincidence. But I will be brutally honest! Maybe you are reading this and having trouble believing in a God that large? I thoroughly understand. It's unreasonable and unpredictable. But everyday I seem to be granted another day to live, wisdom suggests something irrational. That there is something more powerful than me or my talents and abilities. Maybe even more importantly at this moment is that there is a possibility that someone like Bradley, with the prognosis that he has, may very well at any instant turn into a miracle. Something none of us can answer. And the difficulty with denying a miracle is that I've seen them happen. When my parents divorced and I thought my mother would not survive, she picked up three jobs and she did! When I watched a family struggle through divorce and think the children would never forgive the parents, they did! When I watched a family lose their child and wonder if they could move on and love again, I witnessed them adopt a child and change the life of someone who had no life to begin with! When I watched a couple who were unable to have children for 19 years and were utterly hopeless about having a child of their own, I witnessed them give their announcement of being pregnant not once but twice against all odds. So when does faith outweigh reason? When we accept that God IS everywhere! He is in the color of the trees that we pass. The laughter of the child in the overcrowded store. The appointment that you'd rather skip. He is in every opportunity if you see opportunity. So tonight we see opportunity for Brad and I see opportunity for you. Be intentional to see God everyday in the small, unappreciated things. It may just change your everything!

Brad's Medical Update

More information slowly surfaces as tests come in and doctors become more conversational about my brother's prognosis. The Cerebral Contusion is more accurately defined as an Intraventricular Hemorrhage located in the left-middle part of the brain. If you aren't a trained medical profession this probably sounds greek to you. So hopefully I can give you some clarity.

An intraventricular hemorrhage, often abbreviated "IVH," is a bleeding into the brain's ventricular system, where the cerebrospinal fluid is produced and circulates through towards the subarachnoid space. This is a direct result from the physical trauma to his head. This is also something that may happen when one has hemorrhaging from a stroke. Brad has not had a stroke, he had a high-impact collision with a bus.

Intraventricular hemorrhaging has been found to occur in 35% of moderate to severe traumatic brain injuries. This type of injury requires a great deal of force to cause. If you've seen the picture of Brad's car you can easily recognize that some serious force was caused. Because the hemorrhage usually does not occur without extensive associated damage, the outcome is rarely good.

Prognosis is also dismal when IVH exists and blood pressure levels are not controlled. This can result in dangerous increases in intracranial pressure and can cause potentially fatal brain herniation. This is why he needs rest and little stimulation. They are doing their very best to medicate and isolate so that his swelling does not go up or stay elevated.

I hope this information helps and does not hinder. It may be easy to look at all this information and get stuck thinking the worst. My desire is truly to take in the complexity and difficulty at it's fullest so that I may marvel at what God does with this story. For all of us! It may be a full and rich recovery for Brad, in which I am whole-heartedly praying for. But if His message is for me to be greater aware of the legacy I'm leaving, I'm listening!

I am especially thankful for each of your comments and prayers. I am humbled and am unable to fathom how much love exists in what often times looks like a broken, dog-eat-dog world... but love wins. This love is graciously being poured out on us through you! Still I am humbled that so many would care. Thank you! Continue to pray for Brad. Feel free to share these posts with someone else if they are of any help. Maybe someone that is going through a similar situation could use this. Continue to pray for our family and know we would love to pray for yours. Continue to believe that love wins!

More Info on Brad's Status

Tonight I will simply give you information. Doctors have been a bit more clear over the last 24 hours about Brad's condition. He suffered what they call a Cerebral Contusion with a hemorrhage near the brain stem located on the left side. They have not stated whether he suffered any damage to any lobe, in which could be a more serious case, but they have indicated that this could mean Brad may remain unconscious for weeks to months. I have been amazed at how much patience and care the physicians and nurses have given under such extreme circumstances. It speaks volumes about their character and the legacy they will leave. Brad will most likely have a tracheotomy and food line inserted on Monday. This will allow for more comfort and long term distribution of nutrition and respiratory care. They will plan to remove a monitor from his cranium so they may take a MRI and clear him from any neck injuries. He has had a CT scan and multiple chest x-rays today but I have yet to hear the outcome. They have removed a chest tube that would drain and remove toxins from his body. They did so because there was no longer anything to clear. Because of the need for them to eliminate stimulation and lower his brain swelling, we would greatly appreciate that any visitation be done at a later stage. Continue to pray for this little fella to heal. Continue to hope for us. Continue to believe in the unseen and uncomprehending things that only faith produce.

Going Home

One week ago today I received a phone call that changed the course of the day entirely. Back in Florida last Friday we were planning to take our girls to see "Tangled" once again but instead found myself breaking that date to be planning a trip that one would rather not take. But today I go home. Later this afternoon I will navigate the snow covered roads to board a plane transporting me to a destination far warmer than this one. Although I miss the dance parties with my little girls, their sweet gentle voices that remind me of how deeply I am loved, and especially the late night Scrabble nights with my wife that fill my soul and appease my need for quality time, I leave this place with sorrow. Please do not confuse this statement and read into it as if I leave here without hope or that I leave here without peace; that's not what my statement communicates. It clearly means to me that although I am a man full of faith reverent to a God that is omnipresent, I'm not apathetic. Nor should we be! More importantly we take joy in suffering (not that it is pleasurable and not because it demands comfort) but because Jesus endured grand suffering to teach us where you may receive unmatched comfort. So going home in a sense can feel, at the same time, like a funeral and a wedding. Today the doctors have stated that my brother is no longer considered a potential short-term brain damage patient but a long-term one. That I'm sure leaves you with questions. With all honesty I'd love to satisfy your queries and quench your thirst for answers, but I'm unable to fill that need even for myself. I've found that the more information I gather the more questions I have. Not that knowledge is poor or discounted, it just doesn't do the trick. Add to that the flashing signals that test you. Like the fact that there is a Chaplin focusing on our family well knowing all the educated facts delivered from my brother's physician. Being a pastor I know that side of the table all too well myself. So there is significant reason for us to be concerned with my brother's current prognosis. He is not getting better nor is he getting worse. He is just in this "waiting room" that seems to be no different than us. A place between going home, somewhere in Vicksburg, and "going home". I long for both to happen. Yet I would be more concerned if I knew that his destination will end here. You see Brad had an encounter with this guy named, Jesus. It's been some time since they met and they've been friends for years. He's really a great guy; Jesus that is! Brad, too. But Jesus changed Brad's life. Not me or his fiancé, although each of us have had some significant influence, but Jesus. Words cannot express how my heart fills with thankfulness due to an encounter with Jesus. This type of security surely comforts a man that must get on a plane and go back to serving his family in a different capacity. This man knows confidently that Brad's destination will be a sanctuary of healing and joy no matter the direction his health takes. You see going home isn't easy or sometimes even what we want to do, but it is what we need to do. It is a place of comfort, a place of reconciliation and rest, a place in which our "heart" is satisfied. So I will gladly go home and fully lean on God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11. That He is intentional and out for our benefit, not our pleasure. I will rest assured that He can be "big brother" in supplement of me. So I ask you to continue to pray for Bradley. Please continue to pray for my family. Please continue to pray for the families that are here suffering and possibly not being prayed for. And please take a moment to take an inventory of your current values and the life that you've been granted stewardship over. I'm going home. May I ask about you?

This Waiting Room

It is incredibly unsettling that each day I meet new families in this waiting room. Everyday I grow more hopeful for my brother's recovery yet I see another family come in and have to embrace the same struggles. I'm not sure why I'm sensitive to this revelation, but for whatever reason I am. As I sit here and stare at my brother and wonder at the amazing man and what he has accomplished and he will accomplish, I gravitate towards the many families that share this floor with me. Each are waiting. Waiting for more information on their loved one's situation and prognosis. Each depending on the knowledge and experience of the doctor. Each moving through the five stages of grief and quite possibly dealing with such circumstances without a prayer warrior! Still each of us are submitting, most likely involuntarily & unwillingly, to this waiting room. This is a place where we have no facts or conclusion. We seek hope and we want results. As I engage in conversations I realize that many people love many people and truly want healing. With that in mind it makes me wonder why my brother has yet to wake up. It makes me wonder if he, my God, being all powerful, would rather look to moving hearts into the right position before He heals physical wounds. Maybe you are part of a family that needs relational healing... aren't we all? Maybe you sense that you need to go a bit further to make things right. Maybe you have been in the waiting room before and need some questions answered. Maybe. At this moment it is very real to me that we are in a waiting room that in which some moment or someday our God will place us in a location that only gives healing and hope. What about you?

Blue Moon & Water Street

So there are few things in which I can honestly say this temperature challenged state of Michigan has that Florida can't "one up" them on, but here are two of them; Blue Moon Ice Cream and Water Street Coffee. These functional comforts have moved in and played the part of friend to my restlessness the past few days. I can only imagine that anyone that has to surrender to traumatic circumstances seeks the currency of comfort. Maybe we all do? Even those that fully consider today a "good day". Today is a good day. My brother is still laying in the same thin, plain bed with the same obnoxious tubing, but there are pictures on the wall. Pictures that announced his engagement to his fiancé, Jessica. Pictures of him laughing and smiling more brilliantly than the sun itself. Brad was planning on making April 2nd of 2011 a day that he would exchange his life for a life paired and married to her. Unfortunately our current situation has propelled us into making changes. Changes that most likely will result in that day taking place in a different season. Although this may seem sad or weight on one's joy, I sense something bigger being worked out. While Brad continues to battle the giants and patiently endure my poorly delivered jokes (he can't tell me to leave the room, he's sleeping), the room resonates a pure fragrance of a man dearly loved. Being someone that naturally views things from 30,000 feet, I see God playing caretaker in so many lives. Not only working on the physical healing of my brother, but the broken hearts that have gravitated to his side. I have had the privilege to see redemption, restoration, and reconciliation that only a deity larger than life itself could orchestrate! None of us would ever rationally write a story that embraces the notion of Brad potentially needing to sacrifice his life for old friends and family to resurface and find healing, but God has. Maybe you are reading hoping that at some point I will detail you on Brad's prognosis. Maybe fill you in on whether or not he is doing well or he has jumped over the mortality hurdle. The vivid truth is that none of us have those kind of answers. I find myself doing all I can to acquire knowledge on his condition and intellectually plan out his recovery. Probably because it is more comforting to do than submit to the mantra of "our days are numbered". Yet they are. I'm going to ask you for a favor. Take a moment today to pray for Brad. Take a moment today to pray for the families that are here in the waiting room with me that are at this very moment dealing with the agony of what intensive care delivers. Take a moment to pray for the other patients on this same floor that may be doing far worse than Brad and may not have anyone praying for them. But maybe even more vital, take a moment to simply look at your life and challenge your thoughts and actions. Each of us are moments away from change. Maybe the impetus for change in your life is chaos. Maybe it's a collision that you've been trying to avoid at all costs. But what if instead today the impetus was choice? What if before the collision you seek to change the course? What if you were to put that project on hold to spend a moment listening to your wife's dreams? What if you paid that bill a day late and used that moment to listen to your children laugh? What if you stopped holding on to what that person did to you years ago and meet with them to share a hug... maybe it can be over some Blue Moon Ice Cream or some Water Street Coffee? I wonder just what might happen!? You see, no matter where you find comfort or how far you run, our days are numbered. I beg you, use them well!

Pragmatic Update

As I sit here with my comforting Perrier I felt the desire to give, as best as I can, an update on Brad's resilient battle thus far. Assuming that you know Brad and the Barbaric Warrior that he is, you may have many unanswered questions and some constant internal dialogue nagging at you like a dripping faucet in the middle of the night. With that being said, I'd like you to feel free to be our family for the next few minutes as I brief you on our experience.

At the moment Brad is laying on a thin bed with tubes supporting his breathing, taking away toxins, and feeding him medication. Doctors have informed us that the issue of mortality is still a reality, but we serve and love a God that often finds humor in our plans and writes a story that can only explain his existence. Brad has some slight brain swelling from the trauma of the accident. He also has a small hemorrhage near his brain stem which has hindered his mobility on the right side of his body. He has a pair of damaged lungs and is being medicated with antibiotics for an infection in the lungs. His vitals are excellent and their focus is on cultivating an environment that leads to rehabilitation. Their belief is that it will most likely take months to beat the giants ahead of him. I'd like to believe that his closed eyes will open and call me a dork for being so concerned... but I am. I just won't let him know it! There isn't as much laughing today as there was yesterday, but there is joy. My mind continues to vividly revisit moments of my life with Brad. Fishing at the lake, telling him to not cry and to not tell mom that I smashed his finger with a hammer, laughing at him for thinking he could pull off urban style. But our story doesn't end today. Our story has the potential to echo long past the time we spend here. We are more than simply a birth date, dash, and closing time. We live a life that permeates stories. Stories of struggle, adversity, tragedy, and redemption. Today I pray that you are well aware of the potential you may have. I pray that today you know that you are not just the story that you have already lived, but the one that is yet unwritten. I pray that you pray for us and my brother. Mostly, I pray!