Day 63 (The Day Before 9 Weeks)

So I'm the type of person that is inclined to think all things happen for a reason. This type of thinking can open your mind to questions. I've found that the greatest insight to this type of person is to be intentional with the framework of your question. For instance... The power just went out! Possible question: "Do you think miniature pigs from France have tapped into our power sources in order to fuel their plan of ridding the world of bacon?" (This would not be cool!) Alternative question: "Are you up for a game of Capture the Flag?"



Now please do not get me wrong. There are far more serious situations that have the potential to challenge your thought life and rightly so. For instance... My child has passed away. My parents are getting divorced. My home is being foreclosed on. My spouse is having an affair. All my possessions have been taken and I lost my loved ones. Each of these situations have the right to emotion and lead to questions. If I were more scientific I could explain it as the process of cause and effect. One of the effects that serious, heart-wrenching stuff can cause is anger. The interesting thing about anger is that anger can make you angry for being angry! Maybe even guilty! But all things happen for a reason. How do you frame anger into a masterful piece of art instead of an ugly eyesore that gives you nightmares? Maybe this will help...



First off, not all anger is a missed mark. In fact, you have the right to be angry about what God is angry about. It has a title as well; Righteous Anger. You have the right to be this way until the sun goes down. Matter of fact, you have the right to many things before the sun goes down. When things don't match up to the character of God on this side of heaven, it should stir up some serious stuff in your emotional mix. If not, you might just be a robot!? But what do you do with it? You see rights can disguise themselves as entitlement or lead you into serving yourself. This is my right, I'm going to take it. You may be under the impression that because something foul or far from the character of God has happened to you and that it is by your hand that change will occur simply because you may have the right. But there is something incredibly saddening that occurs when we take our right to bed and watch the sun go down. Our hearts harden and we miss out on the comfort and love of God. Hate takes residence in our hearts and evicts love. Then hate walks around trashing the place with no desire to clean up the mess! So anger isn't the issue, it is what we chose to do with it.



I like looking at anger as the "check engine" light in your car or the "almost empty" light by your fuel gauge. These signals are there on purpose to help you know when something needs to be checked or filled. If you deny their existence, you are in for a problematic outcome. If you overreact, you may never remedy the issue. Anger is the same way. It isn't meant to be bottled up or an excuse for us to just blow up, both forms are just as dangerous. You probably already know this, but "unchecked" anger doesn't do any good for you or the people around you. So when the anger light is blaring and blinking, consider it a time to check your heart. Maybe it's time to deal with some of the repairs you never took the time to have worked on? Maybe you've been using the wrong fuel and you find yourself continually running empty?



Things in regards to my brother still continue to be a challenge for our family. In many cases we have the right to be emotional and find ourselves checking gauges. If you have been reading my posts you may have a relatively clear understanding of why. If not, please feel free to get yourself updated by going back and reading through. I consider anyone willing to journey through this with us a part of our family and have attempted to keep you up to speed as best as I can. Our family is still not allowed to contact my brother, my mother is still not allowed visitation, and by law we are only allowed what my brother's fiancé (temporary guardian) will give to us in both visitation and information. On Tuesday, March 22nd we had some breakthrough. After numerous attempts to communicate with my brother's fiancé and the hospital, a small glimmer of progress was made. Around 3:37pm, my brother's patient advocate assigned by the hospital contacted me returning a call that I made that morning at 9:42am. According to her statement, my brother had requested to see my Grandfather and my son. They would be allowed monitored visitation. Considering my grandfather's age, my son would most appropriately need to have a parent or someone that he felt comfortable transporting him and being with him while at the visitation. Because of this they asked my brother if he'd like to see his brother and his response was yes. They are granting the request and we will be allowed monitored visitation on a set day and time when we visit Michigan. Although this can still seem surreal and uncomprehending, we went from being allowed nothing to something. We still have yet to receive any communication from my brother's fiancé (however we have received 3 brief updates via Facebook email from my brother's fiance) and our heart still aches as to why. All things are being funneled through attorneys and case workers and this has just given more distance relationally when this time could be an opportunity to grow closer. We have received limited information on Brad's health. I posted the March 16th update on my previous post. We have received two since with the last being Saturday, March 19th. So I will share what I know with you just like you are family....



My brother had a CT Scan at Borgess Hospital sometime last week. I do not know the medical results. His right side is moving more. During his physical therapy time he is being put through training and tests to stand and use a walker. His speech is being worked on through therapy and it is improving. He is also being trained to learn how to swallow and this is progressing as well. This is going to take time and rehab.



The above is all we have for now. So we can ask a lot of questions like "Why is this happening?" or "Why do things look the way they do?" But thinking like Jesus takes intention and practice. So maybe today is a day to ask yourself what questions are you asking? Are you being intentional with the framework? Are you guarding your heart from questions filled with fear and why? Because while we are in the trenches of pain and blindness, there is a process taking place regardless of our choices!



"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 Pigs are not out to stop bacon production by cutting off our electricity (at least not that I'm aware of)! Anger and emotion do not hold the power to keep us down. Make ever effort under the sun to right what's wrong. Make peace with your mind as well as others. Replace anger with love... even if you have the right not to! Love wins...



Please continue to pray for peace and healing! We covet your prayers...



Things that give me help and may be a help to you this week...

Ephesians 4:31-32
Ephesians 4:26:27
Proverbs 15:1
Proverbs 29:11
Proverbs 29:22
Galatians 5:19-21
Romans 1:8

Night Light (Day 56)

For the last several weeks I have been learning new things about our 3 year and 10 month old little princess. For instance, she is not a fan of dance class until she gets there and then we find ourselves having difficulty bringing her home because she wants to stay to be with Ms. Sarah (her teacher) and her friends! She has the uncanny ability to tell the sheer difference between the inexpensive "off" brand of Eggos and the real thing! Another example would be that she now desires her crust to be thoroughly removed prior to her being presented any type of sandwich. It's amazing to see her grow and develop to be more adorable and precious each and every waking moment we are allowed to be in her presence. Her latest peculiarity is to not be alone in the dark. No matter how much we coach her she is still incredibly uncomfortable with this. It makes a significant amount of sense; being afraid of the dark. When light is shining into a room it becomes much easier to navigate through. You no longer have the concern of tripping on something you didn't see and you are no longer susceptible to being harmed by the fall! So ultimately this equates to dark is bad, light is good! And if the two were part of a paper, rock, scissors type of game (reference due to last night's youth group), light would trump dark. Still, there can be darkness and I would have to agree with Emma Grace; no one should be left alone in the dark.

So here is my attempt to not leave those "in the dark" that have been praying and concerned about the well being and recovery of my brother!

On Thursday, March 3rd, I was informed that my brother's fiance was granted temporary guardianship of my brother by the county that he is currently hospitalized. For those of you that are not familiar with guardianship I will clarify as best as I know how. Adult guardianship is the process by which the court finds an individual's ability to make decisions so impaired that the court gives the right to make decisions to another person. This process begins by a petition being filed by an interested party or a hospital. An interested person is a parent, spouse or close family member, a close friend, or a public agency such as the Department of Social Services. Sometimes hospitals file the petition, as when an incompetent patient cannot be discharged to another care facility because the patient has no one who can sign the necessary discharge and admission papers and take care of financial arrangements. The hospital asks that a public guardian or someone else be appointed guardian.

In my brother's case, the hospital petitioned the court in Kent County (location of my brother's hospital) for the appointment of an emergency guardian without nominating (or informing) my mother and appointing my brother's fiance. This is unusual (but not illegal) because the parent has priority under the law and my mother had informed the hospital that she was available and next of kin. It is also unusual because prior to this appointment, my mother had been holding the responsibility of making decisions and signing necessary papers. This appointment also happened upon my mother's returning to partial days at work (an already overwhelming choice to make after being by my brothers side for 39 days). Circumstances are tense and lawyers are representing the hospital, my mother, and my brother's fiance. Since this date, things have been a considerable struggle for information and transparency. This appointment of temporary guardianship has now given all medical decisions and information to the guardian, my brother's fiance. Prior to this decision, my mother had received all information and made information available to his fiance and her family. My brother's fiance and family were always welcome and were allowed to hear directly from Brad's doctors and nurses every single day. Since temporary guardianship has been appointed to my brother's fiance, things have changed. Our family is no longer able to gain information from nurses or doctors. They have indicated that by doing so it would be illegal and that we will need to contact my brother's fiance for any information. This makes things difficult because information comes slow and in some cases, not at all!

This temporary guardianship also allows the appointed to make decisions as to who is allowed to visit my brother. Unfortunately, as of Saturday, March 12th, rights were leveraged. Our family (this includes my mother, step-father, uncles, aunts, my brother's 80 year old grandfather and 77 year old grandmother, my 11-year old son, etc.) is no longer allowed to visit and communicate with my brother. I am unable to call and speak with him and I fear I will be unable to spend any time with him when our family visits Michigan. I can't explain how surreal and painful this entire experience has been for ever single person involved. But I will spare you the emotion of it and just continue to give clear facts.

From March 12th to March 16th, we were unable to know whether my brother was breathing or dancing! After these days of no information, no visitation, and my wife and I attempting to receive information by sending several texts to my brother's fiance, making phone calls to the hospital and to talk to Brad, and a Facebook posting to my brother's fiance .... we were finally sent a brief update on Brad's progress. So I'd love to share it with you, just as if you were family....

"I just wanted to let you all know Brad is doing very well. Physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy are going good. Brad has gotten to walk a couple of times during physical therapy with a walker. Brad got to go and have lunch today for the first time. he did well considering he had been busy and was tired. Brads speech is improving as well."

Now let me sum this up... Throughout any trial or difficulty. Whether your faith is stretched and you become witness to brokenness and foul, inconceivable circumstances... there is hope and there is truth! And what sustains them... what keeps them going is love! When hope seems so far off and hidden, love sustains it (hope)! When truth seems muddy and fictitious thoughts try to move into your living room, love sustains it (truth)! It is the greatest of these (love)! Love is not a fickle thing that comes in the night to snuggle up and eat your popcorn. No love is far superior to even what we can muster up in our strongest will. Love is God... God is love. Listen to what this guy Paul has to say about love...

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13

My take on Paul's writing...

Love is a life called to practice patience in the midst of tragedy, kindness to those that hurt you, encouragement to those that are doing better than you, humility when you have the right to say look at me, honor to the indignant and lowly, selflessness when you want, calmness in a burning building, breathing grace and forgiveness in the worst of missed marks. Love isn't a fan of evil but a cheerleader for the truth!

One other thing from this guy named John...

"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:16-19

So maybe today you are captivated by the fear of something. Maybe the potential of losing your job. Maybe the potential of losing your marriage. Maybe the potential of losing visitation of someone you love. Let this be an encouragement to you today. There is no fear in love! Love takes fear and punts it like a helium filled football. Why? Because love does not punish! Love isn't a fan of evil but a cheerleader for the truth!

Continue to pray for the hearts and souls of those involved in my brothers situation. Lawyers, judges, physicians, nurses, social workers, janitors, etc. Continue to pray for my mother, my brother's fiance, and all the family supporting Brad! My hope is that peace will permeate hearts and relationships will be mended. My hope is that God is honored and the truth validates love. And most importantly, continue to be aware of the truth. Although we are surrounded by tragedy (Japan for instance) and heartache, don't be afraid of the dark... Love wins!

Day 50 (7 Weeks)

Fact and truth. Two words often defined or used as having the same meaning. Often times these two words are hard to separate because facts can disguise themselves as truth. For instance... Fact: a person believes that they have very little talent and have nothing to contribute to society. Truth: every person is crafted with enormous talent and potential. Fact and truth are often summed up in what we believe. Do we chose to see facts and allow ourselves to be hindered, harmed, or handicapped by their weight? Or hold to truth - a promise revealed in time regardless of facts?! Just in case this is getting a bit muddy or you have started to ask yourself, "Where is he going with this?", please keep reading! Today my family will lay to rest my Grandmother, Donna Blevins. See passed away early Tuesday morning due to health complications. Fact: this was not expected. Fact: this news has not come in the most convenient season. Fact: these circumstances can uncover raw emotions that have been untapped and come unexpected. I could go on and on but I will save you the details. But thankfully there are truths. Truth: we have peace because of where my Grandmother placed her faith. Truth: she rests in the inspiring presence of our Father God. Truth: God's plan is always in our best interest regardless of what we see and experience. Now, it can be extremely difficult to see clearly between fact and truth. Why? Facts can be so far from the truth that we can be victim to the facts. Now I'm not suggesting we deny facts and float around obliviously to what they hold in store. No we endure the facts because of the truth. Suffering is how we know comfort. It is also an opportunity for us to gain compassion for humanity through our experience. What an incredible gift! To know how one may feel so that you can meet them at heart level during their experience. To suffer with them and not simply pass by apathetic and empty. It gives you the insight to not just focus on the facts that capture so many and paralyze their journey, but to point to the hope that resides in a truth that we far too often miss. Fact: my brother was in a life-changing car accident 50 days ago (7 weeks). Fact: family and all involved have been stretched, burdened, and affected. Fact: information is harder to receive now and there are legal complications involved. Truth: God has been in the redemption business since before I was born. Truth: God fully intends to see His plans come to fruition. Truth: His timing is perfect and right and He uses our experiences for His good. Again, it can be agonizing to differentiate fact and truth. That what we see and feel may not be at all what we want. Or what we want may not be the best for us. For instance, I used to want to have my hair styled like Vanilla Ice. But if this would have happened, I think that I may have never met my wife! (This is a joke of course... not the hair part, that was for real!) Even though this is a less than deep or important example it is true. You see even in our faithlessness, mistakes, and deeply missed marks, God is faithful and perfect. So maybe today you are struggling with perception? Maybe you have your own perspective or opinion? Or maybe you are influenced by someone else and their viewpoint? But consider this... Is it fact or truth? Better said, would God say, "You did well with this assignment good and faithful worker!" Because fact is almost always different than truth! Or, "Do you know how greatly I love you? Trust in my plan for you! Live at peace with my grace being enough!" Truth remains, sustains, and makes right those that complain. Please continue to pray for our family. Maybe prayer is uncomfortable for you, this I understand... but could you consider just having us in your thoughts? Continue to pray for Brad's recovery, he is getting stronger each and everyday so we covet your prayers for healing and recovery. This in itself has been a miracle! And if I could ask a small favor... be aware of those around you today. You could have an amazing opportunity to share with someone truth while they are in the midst of being oppressed with facts!

Stuff that brings me inspiration that may be a help to you as well:
John 6:29
Matthew 11:28-30
The Book of Ester
Psalm 91
Romans 12

Day 42

Our days are simply nothing less than interesting. Better said, moments are made by what we choose to remember. Days by the ocean, our first kiss, going to prom, watching our children grow into pure character world-changers, even burying a loved one. It has been some time since I have posted news on my brother. Primarily because of the intensity of the circumstances and the complexity of the situation. Although the road has been less than smooth and the days to come may be difficult to navigate, my brother continues to beat the odds. I could give you a tremendous list like he has lost 24 pounds and his trache has been removed... but I'm prepared to deliver something more significant. For the first time in 43 days I had dialogue with my brother! Today we didn't talk about politics or Charlie Sheen... we said " I Love You". This was a moment uncontrolled with uncensored tears! Only by the mercy and grace of a God that longs for reconciliation and redemption could such a story unfold. Only by a miracle served by a creator out for our good. Regardless of health or ambition. His story will unfold. Because there is a hope that sustains...

As we have focused on my brother's recovery and have seen so much dilemma pass through, I have found God enlarging my heart for the many forgotten. While so many battle the small and simple moments, there are so many people in this world without love... some believing they have no worth, some beaten and left with no dignity, some that are run over and disrespected, some without a voice! While some leverage what they may know on this side of heaven, there is a Father that designs something far more complex then we can understand. Even through our missed marks and arrogance. Something that at the end of the day results in plans for good and plans to prosper. While my brother regains his voice and we celebrate his amazing progress, I am vividly aware that there are so many less fortunate. Empty and alone. Ones that may not be able to measure God's love by physical healing because they watch a love one pass on and wonder where God is. Others may be without someone caring for them. No one fighting for them... being passed over each day with no regard. Judged and ruled as useless. Abandoned and left as an orphan. Not because they are without family... but because the idea of family is limited and simple. This thought has passed through my mind like Lance Armstrong tied to a bike while drinking Red Bull... "What if God abandoned His family?"... "What if He decided to extricate the people He didn't like?"

Tonight we soak in the infectious sound of my brother's first words in 43 days. We wonder at the immense family that God has given us through prayer, conversations, Facebook, and personal connection. I am humbled and we are thoroughly undeserving of the love poured out. You who take the time to consider my brother in thought or in prayer are accepted as richly loved family members. You are adored and we are praying for each of you as well. We cling to the thought that each of you are attempting to take on life and the journey with all of us together. Never alone... My brother has so many that are covering him with love, thanks to you! Continue to pray for my brother's recovery, pray for our family (Blevins, Vroman, "insert your last name", etc.), pray for those that are simply missed in the daily routine and seek them out to encourage them right where they are... You never know what type of healing might happen!

Day 33

I write with good news that my brother has been safely transported from Borgess Hospital to Spectrum LTAC as of yesterday afternoon. He will be treated with more PT and OT helping his rehabilitation and recovery at a long-term scale. He is wearing normal clothes and they are attempting to make his journey more natural than hospital! As life continues to move forward, I seem to be resistant to forcing it's movement. My brother has a long road ahead of him and no person is knowledgeable enough to determine his future. To say the least, the days have been long. The time while in Michigan alongside my brother seemed more real and the days since I have fumbled through. Being transparent, I'm at a distance that makes conversation, information, and perception incredibly hard to determine. The struggle continues in many forms and in many ways I suppose through everyone's life. Guilt can play a part in just going about in the routine of life, but then without moving forward... how do lives change? Our story gives light to a story created well before ours. As my brother starts the journey of rehabilitation in a new hospital and attempts to battle giants, many have done the same. These stories give us hope for his recovery and I long for more as well. You see I dream of people being able to love so deeply that past and future are irrelevant. Forgiveness is as if air breathed and grace is like a drink of water while on a desert journey. Grace is enough! With that being said, we aren't alone in saying we need more than just friendship. Everyday people go through this life without love. They seek it in a job, a home, material, some connections... but what about family? Not just the biological term! What about a humanity that is willing, even dieing, to give up at all costs their freedom to invest in you? As my brother slowly walks through this journey with the support of his family, friends, and those praying for him that he has yet to meet... I ask that you simply take a moment tonight and invest in someone. Remind them that they are not alone. Simply a word of encouragement, a hug, or just your time! Stop to bring dignity, love, or a simple conversation to someone that might be missing such a thing. Often we think people are cared for or fully encouraged. We are rushed and consumed in our own affairs. But we are less attentive of those that encourage us. They are a rock and seem to be fully strong. But who is praying for them? Who is flooding them with support? They may need you now! Continue to pray for our family and Brad's progress. We covet your prayers and care. Pray for those that may be going through a similar situation and may be seeking answers to any unanswerable question. And even more importantly, look at your circumstances and ask if it's time to make a change. A change that leads to a God of forgiveness, grace, and truth! Love wins...

A Month & A Day

So much can happen in one month. I don't think this is a profound declaration or some new discovery that I can coin and make t-shirts with. But as I slowed down today to make sure I posted an update on my brother's progress this thought became measurable and real. We are given so much time. I know it seems more appropriate to state we are busy and don't have time or that our plates are full and our calendars are booked until American Idol and Glee go off the air. The truth is that we freely give our time to what we deem valuable. So where are we spending all of our time? And it may be fair to ask... How much time am I given? Now before you stop reading, begin to think this is induced by personal suffering, or start having internal dialog about how cliché this thought is; let me take you on a short journey. One month and a day ago my brother, Brad, was in a serious car accident. It was not your run of the mill fender bender. His car was totaled, a deer was saved, and a bus tried to play monster truck with the Kia that my brother was driving. He has had to endure personal suffering I cannot fathom. He has been supported by machines in order to breath and live. He is medicated daily for pain and infections. Assuming that you have viewed previous notes in regards to my brother, I'll stop there. He has been through so much in 29 days. But it may be just as true to say that all of us have been through so much in the past 29 days. This isn't confined or exclusive to my family. This includes you as well. This is why this thought is so vast and so necessary for us to notice and be shaken by. Take a moment and inventory the past 29 days. What has gone on? Maybe you have received that new job you had been searching for over the last few years? Maybe you caught the bouquet at a wedding? Maybe you had the chance to restore a relationship that had gone sour in years past? Maybe you cried at a chick flick. Legally Blonde always gets to me! Or maybe your friend was diagnosed with cancer? Maybe your children moved out and you feel all alone? Maybe your family is broken and dysfunctional? Maybe Valentine's Day was just a reminder of what you don't have? Maybe you lost your job, house, wife, and the family dog? So much can happen in 29 days. About three days ago my brother was moved from the ICU to the 2nd floor at Borgess Hospital. His status was changed from critical to serious. His situation went from bad to better. Today they changed his trache size to a 6. This allows him to have the potential to begin talking when he is full and ready. We are so incredibly excited for his progress. We are re-learning the beauty of celebrating the small things. This can be difficult in a culture that has Bieber Fever and Twitter. We seek big things to excite us. It takes alot for us to get excited. But this progress excites me. I'm jumping as you read! Not gracefully, but jumping! And to think that 29 days ago he was driving down a snow covered country road and minutes later being cut out of a car. You see counting the days past should illustrate chapters of our story. They paint a vivid picture of the time we have been given. I don't know what the story ahead has in store. Not for Brad, you, or myself. It may have a villain that fashions a curly mustache and takes your lady friend for ransom. Yikes! It may be running through the streets of historic Paris while singing show tunes as the sun kisses your skin. It may be a scene in which you are at graveside defining surreal as your face burns from the tears. But the story is much clearer when you know who the protagonist is. Things have trouble progressing from sentence to paragraph, and page to chapter when you are trying to guess the protagonist. If this term is foreign or is hard to relate to, the protagonist is the main character. Most often the hero. You see I'm finding that more and more each day I need to be the deuteragonist in this life story. That if my life story is going to have a hero, it isn't me. The hero is the one who gives the time that I'd like to think I control and use and tell people I'm busy with. But I'm the deuteragonist. The side-kick! A witness to the good and bad stuff. I'm surely not the one in this story that gives time and determines how much of it I will have. But a well written story ends with the protagonist on top at the end. The hero finds hope even when hope looks like he skipped out on his check at Steak-N-Shake! He knows where hope lives and he'll take you there at lighting speed; if you ask! So a wise side-kick follows this guy to the end. A seasoned side-kick says that he or she is ok with going along for the ride even when he questions the hero's action plan! A great story will be written. It is in progress. It has a beginning and an end. There are victims and villains. Chaos and mayhem. And there is a hero. This hero came in and fought the villain. Matter of fact, he won. This hero fights for my brother and you every moment. In return this hero gave us time. Time to spend, live and share. So the next time you start to feel the words "I'm too busy" or "I don't have the time!", remember what you have been given. This hero did not fight to give a prison sentence for you to serve out while you are on this side of heaven. Nor did he do so that we may convince others that we are important and have much to do. Remember we are the deuteragonist, not the protagonist. Just embrace the ride and support the hero! Whether your story is 29 minutes, days, years, or decades; it is a story. One where Jesus can save and rescue. One in which he is the hero. Your moments will be remembered and cherished by someone. They will be revisited and described by others. You are making an impact right where you are. Whether you are in a hospital bed or a board room. A factory or a mission trip. A classroom or the kitchen. So what story will be told? Is it one about the time that was given, or one about the time you didn't have to give? And who is your protagonist and what are you holding valuable? So much can happen in a month... don't you think?

Please continue to pray for our family, Bradley, and those that you see in need. We covet these requests!