Core values. Bedrock beliefs. Foundational disciplines. We all gravitate towards and act upon these inner workings. Even when we don't have a strong opinion or conviction about something; we reveal our character! In the best of times we often go about business without much need for a compass... But in the worst of times; navigation requires one!
Last night, after purchasing the wrong brand of Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream, I had the privilege to talk to our 4 year old daughter, Emma Grace, about our family compass on gratitude and disappointment. Although my wife's children book illustrations are far more endearing and demanding of attention, I restrained myself from generic cliques and attempted to use the moment to make the most of our lives.
It started as a routine and common family situation. Emma Grace wanted Baskin Robbins. I chose what I had believed to be an equally adequate Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream in Edy's (a store purchased, less fiscally terrifying brand). When I arrived home and unpacked groceries Emma Grace began to tear up and express her disappointment. I had failed to hear the detail in her request... she didn't want Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream; she wanted Baskin Robbins Mint Chocolate Chip ice cream. She didn't care about the quantity or cost. Her mind was fixated on Baskin Robbins and no other possible outcome.
I can't blame her for the disappointment. How often do we set our eyes upon a goal, a relationship, a career, a desire and expect? How easy is it to slip into the comfortable robe of disappointment and leak our complaints out to anyone willing (or unwilling) to receive them? So... you don't have to be a 4 year old with the wrong ice cream; if you have breathed, you understand disappointment. But it's what disappointment can produce that becomes dangerous. Not just to others; but to ourselves!
You see when disappointment comes, and it will, I want my children, my little legacies, to be like stars! As a kid I would sometimes sneak out onto the cape cod styled roof of our house and sit and watch the stars. At that time in my life we lived in a rural part of town so the stars weren't dimmed and diminished by the facade of city lights that attempt to distract you in the midst of their fading. These stars were big, cosmic lights penetrating the skyline. They would demand awe and wonder. They were divinely fixed and constant - yet most visible in the darkness. If I were to define their role; they shined in the crookedness of the night giving hope for morning. They surely didn't add to the darkness; they defied it. So who wouldn't want their children to be stars?
Matter of fact, I wanna try to be a star. Not someone that is remembered solely by the number of wins they have accumulated on the field or downloads they have distributed through Itunes. Not by name recognition through a court case or simply just being another voice among voices. No, my hope and prayer for our family is that our compass is pointed north and by doing so we can shine... even in the simplest of moments when it's justified to complain or grumble. Even when the outcome looks meek and everyone else is taking their ball and going home! And when darkness is the forecast it will only magnify their opportunity to show that they are stars!
I love this quote from Og Mandino...
"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars."
Without darkness there is no need for light. And without light stars fade and wither!
Sometimes disappointment and set-back are the greatest gifts we can be given. They have the potential to redirect our eyes from the things that put us in darkness to the source that brings us light! Not some fancy glitter trying to buy your attention before it fades. Do you see it? It only takes a couple shining stars in your life to make the difference! Do you see them?
Emma Grace ended up loving the Edy's version of her favorite Baskin Robbins ice cream and she even went the extra mile and hugged me without expectation. I don't know if she will remember the moment we shared in the kitchen, but daddy sure will...
"Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. Philippians 2:14-16
Friday, November 11, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Day 239
As I play the part of many here, a witness at best of yet another crowded Lake Howell game, I see humanity and it's many levels. Teams battling moment by moment. Fathers, mothers, sisters, brothers, friends and strangers together experiencing the incredible emotion and physical back and forth (thanks to Austin Bagley - the Lion King). Screaming, cheering... weird dancing! Yet underneath, there is more... Many families tonight will go without food and shelter. They will be too ashamed to mention it. A percentage of families will head home to broken families in the midst of separation. They will be too wounded to admit it. Some will consider themselves less than worthy to be in existence. They will look for ways to be approved and accepted. We don't know the entire story of each person involved in such a simple game; Lake Howell and Lyman. But each person carries a story... And how will it be redeemed?
This evening as I think about how blessed I am to be part of a family (with many members regardless of name), I find it difficult to grasp that many fully miss the realization and reward of family. So I consider those low in spirit and meek, those wounded and forgotten, those broken and handicapped, those left without esteem... family! My simple prayer is that those that have dealt with pain, tragedy, lowliness, loneliness, back-row-ness, worthlessness, abuse, simplicity, drama, peer-pressure, anxiety, question, cautiousness, worry... know that you are not alone in your journey. That at every uncomfortable moment, precious exchange, and mysterious next step; God has our best interest in store for His glory and resolve for this world's fallen. You are not alone, stolen, worthless, unimportant, simple, ugly, bruised, torn... You are His masterful creation... and there are many willing and with you that will share the weight of the world with you! Bearing the stuff...
As I write this simple note, I ask you to say a simple prayer for my brother, Brad.... I miss him...
And as for your journey, please let us pray for you! Our family, our girls, are prayer warriors. We believe that when two or more meet, our Father hears each simple request... and love always wins!
This evening as I think about how blessed I am to be part of a family (with many members regardless of name), I find it difficult to grasp that many fully miss the realization and reward of family. So I consider those low in spirit and meek, those wounded and forgotten, those broken and handicapped, those left without esteem... family! My simple prayer is that those that have dealt with pain, tragedy, lowliness, loneliness, back-row-ness, worthlessness, abuse, simplicity, drama, peer-pressure, anxiety, question, cautiousness, worry... know that you are not alone in your journey. That at every uncomfortable moment, precious exchange, and mysterious next step; God has our best interest in store for His glory and resolve for this world's fallen. You are not alone, stolen, worthless, unimportant, simple, ugly, bruised, torn... You are His masterful creation... and there are many willing and with you that will share the weight of the world with you! Bearing the stuff...
As I write this simple note, I ask you to say a simple prayer for my brother, Brad.... I miss him...
And as for your journey, please let us pray for you! Our family, our girls, are prayer warriors. We believe that when two or more meet, our Father hears each simple request... and love always wins!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Day 148 (It's Been Awhile)
So I've been asked some tough questions in my life. In fact, my four year old daughter posed one the other night asking, "Daddy, where do unicorns come from?" Maybe it was because I was exhausted or didn't thoroughly know how to articulate my belief that unicorns are a figment of creative imagination, nevertheless, I chose to divert her attention to a delicious lemonade flavored Popsicle instead of answer her question. Do you ever find yourself doing the same? Glazing over the hard, honest truth to avoid the chance of a difficult and lengthy conversation? Finding innovative ways to avoid a subject that you may not have the answer to? You are not the only one!
One of the toughest questions that I get these days is, "How's your brother doing?"... To be honest, each and every time I hear these words it is as if I am transported from a paradigm of comfort to an abyss of confusion. Caught off guard like a deer in headlights! Why? Truthfully, it has been entirely too complex to articulate and most unfortunately I don't have any answers. Simply said, it is difficult to answer questions when a world that holds so much beauty can be polarized by uncensored evil.
It’s been about 54 days since I last wrote on these circumstances and sometimes life can move forward as if it is running from a blaze. We’ve had the privilege to celebrate our precious Emma Grace’s fourth birthday, we kicked off the summer at the beach with some of our closest friends, I’ve had the honor to pay homage to some incredible Proverbs 31 moms, and I have been fortunate enough to whisk my beautiful bride off to an exotic getaway (Daytona Beach) for our five year anniversary. Our days have been filled with overwhelming memories. Some very much like the above mentioned and some that I’d be less than enthusiastic telling you about. I’ve found that memories are, for the most part, inevitable. Regardless of our intentionality, we are bound to create a wake in this world that produces memories for someone to bear. Whether you are a detailed analytical planner or an improvisational whirl-wind, you leave a mark. And it’s for this very reason we should be constantly aware of our surroundings and the humanity within them. But that isn’t our nature.
Sometimes we mess up and leave a mark that stains deep. Sometimes we create a memory we wish we did not have to revisit. Sometimes we are subjected to things that we should never have to endure. This reminds me of a scary moment from the other day. Emma Grace, our four year old daughter, made the decision to jump rope on our couch with one of my hardly used exercise bands. In her efforts to become an acrobatic gymnast, calamity made an appearance to the show! Emma Grace lost her balance in mid-air and the momentum she had produced jolted her chin-first onto the floor. She jumped up with tears in her eyes and a wound great enough to send us out to get her some stitches. None of us will ever forget that moment. And how could we? We have the marks to remind us of what had happened; one on her chin and another on the carpet. You can’t just pretend like they aren’t there. It’s a memory engraved in our minds forever. It would even be fair to say that it is one that we’d like to take back or would rather that it had never happened at all. But we are bound to the circumstances and consequences that play out in this life. This happens not only as a result of our actions, but more commonly through the actions of others. And we remember!
So how do you forget unpleasant memories and selectively revisit the pleasurable ones? Suppression? Denial? Ignorance? Revenge? None of these choices seem reasonable or healthy. But some individuals make that choice. Some circumstances, stains if you will, go so deep that it may seem that the only way to make new and move on is to exchange what has been destroyed or to just throw something over it to hide the mark. Fake it till you make it! Sometimes we feel justified to hold on to the memory of what has been done against us and use it as a means of punishment. But these are failed formulas. Why? Because we remember!
You see when we say we forget about it, for the most part, we are like the guy that sits in a dunk tank while teasing the crowd… we eventually get hit and we are going down! When we are honest and embrace what has been done to us and what we have done, we become holistically and thoroughly free. But many chose to dress up the elephant in the room and tell people it's a coffee table. Many of us forget to remember! See I am one that tends to think forgiving is not forgetting. In fact, it takes remembering to forgive and to be forgiven. I love this quote by Lewis Smedes:
"Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future."
So maybe today is a day in which it is inevitable to remember what has happened and quite possibly what is to come. Maybe the found memories have passed and you are left vulnerable to focus on the harm that has been done to you. Maybe today is a day in which you are struggling with forgiveness or holding onto unforgiveness. Maybe something is going on behind the scenes and it is making it difficult for you to do what Paul says in Philippians:
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Can I tell you something? Here it comes…. I’ve found that the more harmful the situation, the more painful the experience, the more messed up things seem, the more unforgettable the memory; greater is the hope for the future! These memories are not to be taken for granted nor disposed of by hiding it under a cerebral rug! No they very well could be the measure of our ability to forgive and to be forgiven.
So whether today is a day that you get to welcome your first born child or bury one unexpectedly, there is hope! Whether you parasail for the first time in the Bahamas or you watch your marriage sail through divorce, there is hope! And it comes to those that remember….
You see things may be too complex to articulate and you may not have the answers. But we don’t need to be hindered or glaze over the truth. So what I want to say to those of you who would say, ‘I can’t do it, you don’t know my circumstances, you don’t know the situation I’ve been in,’ I want to say, ‘no, you can’t,’ there are some things that are not humanly possible, but if you let the grace of God get a hold of your life, you can do it. You can do anything…
Because it has nothing to do with how much you’ve done right and how much you’ve done wrong. It has everything to do with what He has done. He paid a debt He did not owe; we owed the debt we could not pay. That is a memory that I chose not to forget… forgive and be forgiven!
So make every effort to make memories that are pure, lovely, and admirable… they will be remembered!
One of the toughest questions that I get these days is, "How's your brother doing?"... To be honest, each and every time I hear these words it is as if I am transported from a paradigm of comfort to an abyss of confusion. Caught off guard like a deer in headlights! Why? Truthfully, it has been entirely too complex to articulate and most unfortunately I don't have any answers. Simply said, it is difficult to answer questions when a world that holds so much beauty can be polarized by uncensored evil.
It’s been about 54 days since I last wrote on these circumstances and sometimes life can move forward as if it is running from a blaze. We’ve had the privilege to celebrate our precious Emma Grace’s fourth birthday, we kicked off the summer at the beach with some of our closest friends, I’ve had the honor to pay homage to some incredible Proverbs 31 moms, and I have been fortunate enough to whisk my beautiful bride off to an exotic getaway (Daytona Beach) for our five year anniversary. Our days have been filled with overwhelming memories. Some very much like the above mentioned and some that I’d be less than enthusiastic telling you about. I’ve found that memories are, for the most part, inevitable. Regardless of our intentionality, we are bound to create a wake in this world that produces memories for someone to bear. Whether you are a detailed analytical planner or an improvisational whirl-wind, you leave a mark. And it’s for this very reason we should be constantly aware of our surroundings and the humanity within them. But that isn’t our nature.
Sometimes we mess up and leave a mark that stains deep. Sometimes we create a memory we wish we did not have to revisit. Sometimes we are subjected to things that we should never have to endure. This reminds me of a scary moment from the other day. Emma Grace, our four year old daughter, made the decision to jump rope on our couch with one of my hardly used exercise bands. In her efforts to become an acrobatic gymnast, calamity made an appearance to the show! Emma Grace lost her balance in mid-air and the momentum she had produced jolted her chin-first onto the floor. She jumped up with tears in her eyes and a wound great enough to send us out to get her some stitches. None of us will ever forget that moment. And how could we? We have the marks to remind us of what had happened; one on her chin and another on the carpet. You can’t just pretend like they aren’t there. It’s a memory engraved in our minds forever. It would even be fair to say that it is one that we’d like to take back or would rather that it had never happened at all. But we are bound to the circumstances and consequences that play out in this life. This happens not only as a result of our actions, but more commonly through the actions of others. And we remember!
So how do you forget unpleasant memories and selectively revisit the pleasurable ones? Suppression? Denial? Ignorance? Revenge? None of these choices seem reasonable or healthy. But some individuals make that choice. Some circumstances, stains if you will, go so deep that it may seem that the only way to make new and move on is to exchange what has been destroyed or to just throw something over it to hide the mark. Fake it till you make it! Sometimes we feel justified to hold on to the memory of what has been done against us and use it as a means of punishment. But these are failed formulas. Why? Because we remember!
You see when we say we forget about it, for the most part, we are like the guy that sits in a dunk tank while teasing the crowd… we eventually get hit and we are going down! When we are honest and embrace what has been done to us and what we have done, we become holistically and thoroughly free. But many chose to dress up the elephant in the room and tell people it's a coffee table. Many of us forget to remember! See I am one that tends to think forgiving is not forgetting. In fact, it takes remembering to forgive and to be forgiven. I love this quote by Lewis Smedes:
"Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future."
So maybe today is a day in which it is inevitable to remember what has happened and quite possibly what is to come. Maybe the found memories have passed and you are left vulnerable to focus on the harm that has been done to you. Maybe today is a day in which you are struggling with forgiveness or holding onto unforgiveness. Maybe something is going on behind the scenes and it is making it difficult for you to do what Paul says in Philippians:
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Can I tell you something? Here it comes…. I’ve found that the more harmful the situation, the more painful the experience, the more messed up things seem, the more unforgettable the memory; greater is the hope for the future! These memories are not to be taken for granted nor disposed of by hiding it under a cerebral rug! No they very well could be the measure of our ability to forgive and to be forgiven.
So whether today is a day that you get to welcome your first born child or bury one unexpectedly, there is hope! Whether you parasail for the first time in the Bahamas or you watch your marriage sail through divorce, there is hope! And it comes to those that remember….
You see things may be too complex to articulate and you may not have the answers. But we don’t need to be hindered or glaze over the truth. So what I want to say to those of you who would say, ‘I can’t do it, you don’t know my circumstances, you don’t know the situation I’ve been in,’ I want to say, ‘no, you can’t,’ there are some things that are not humanly possible, but if you let the grace of God get a hold of your life, you can do it. You can do anything…
Because it has nothing to do with how much you’ve done right and how much you’ve done wrong. It has everything to do with what He has done. He paid a debt He did not owe; we owed the debt we could not pay. That is a memory that I chose not to forget… forgive and be forgiven!
So make every effort to make memories that are pure, lovely, and admirable… they will be remembered!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Day 96 (Happy Birthday, Dad!)
Much of what I write tonight could be descriptive and revealing. It's been 33 days since my last post and there has been so much life to unpack and share with you. But tonight I will simply give you a bit from my heart...
Each day is a privilege and has risks. This side of heaven involves pain, betrayal, misery and mystery. Yet sorrows can be traded in. Although you may seem busy and life has you gripped and controlled, think again. Our days have been granted and numbered so we don't have time to hold on to regret. People suffer and need a savior. Believing surrendering is weakness is pride disguised as strength and a blatant denial of weakness that delivers true strength. Love endures. Love sustains. Love is hope.
Bradley,
I remember the days that you and I would spend with dad at the lake fishing. Although the cooler was packed with trans-fats (Bologna sandwiches and Ruffles) and country fix-ins, those were days to remember.We learned how a worm squirms while facing a hook and a bobber is like training wheels on a fishing line. Still the bluegills would always bite and we felt like Kings! How the lake seemed so vast and endless. As the falls would crash we would imagine we were anglers to be renowned and feared. Tiny warriors challenging the great sea (also known as Merrill Park). At least until my line got stuck on a log and dad would have to cut it and thread a new hook. Those days were innocent and unforgettable. Although you may not remember those and the many times we shared with dad at this very moment, I look forward to days that we may reminisce. That we may be reminded of the influence that brought us to where we are today regardless of the journey. Time and circumstances never separate truth. Nor do they hinder love. I still remember bouncing around the halls of grandma's house at 4 years old waiting to see you, my little brother, for the first time. Oh the responsibility of being the older sibling! The image of Dad holding your tiny, dark-haired, olive-skinned body in the palm of his hands radiates in my mind tonight. You are missed. Dad is missed. Still, love is the fragrance that remains.
As I pray for your well being, safety and progress tonight... I surely find you in fond memories and laugh until tears. You are not just a brother worthy by blood, but worthy by name. I will trust in the one who directs the cosmos and earns the hearts of the broken with your future. Missing you tonight...
As for the man who gave his life in unmentionable ways and inspired me to be sensitive to the legacy that I leave in my time... Happy Birthday, Dad. You are remembered and missed... (April, 26th, 1955)
Ephesians 6:1-9
Matthew 5:7 Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.
Matthew 6:12 Forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors.
Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless, and don’t curse.
Matthew 26:28 For this is my blood of the new covenant, which is poured out for many for the remission of sins.
Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.
Luke 17:4 If he sins against you seven times in the day, and seven times returns, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”"
I John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Each day is a privilege and has risks. This side of heaven involves pain, betrayal, misery and mystery. Yet sorrows can be traded in. Although you may seem busy and life has you gripped and controlled, think again. Our days have been granted and numbered so we don't have time to hold on to regret. People suffer and need a savior. Believing surrendering is weakness is pride disguised as strength and a blatant denial of weakness that delivers true strength. Love endures. Love sustains. Love is hope.
Bradley,
I remember the days that you and I would spend with dad at the lake fishing. Although the cooler was packed with trans-fats (Bologna sandwiches and Ruffles) and country fix-ins, those were days to remember.We learned how a worm squirms while facing a hook and a bobber is like training wheels on a fishing line. Still the bluegills would always bite and we felt like Kings! How the lake seemed so vast and endless. As the falls would crash we would imagine we were anglers to be renowned and feared. Tiny warriors challenging the great sea (also known as Merrill Park). At least until my line got stuck on a log and dad would have to cut it and thread a new hook. Those days were innocent and unforgettable. Although you may not remember those and the many times we shared with dad at this very moment, I look forward to days that we may reminisce. That we may be reminded of the influence that brought us to where we are today regardless of the journey. Time and circumstances never separate truth. Nor do they hinder love. I still remember bouncing around the halls of grandma's house at 4 years old waiting to see you, my little brother, for the first time. Oh the responsibility of being the older sibling! The image of Dad holding your tiny, dark-haired, olive-skinned body in the palm of his hands radiates in my mind tonight. You are missed. Dad is missed. Still, love is the fragrance that remains.
As I pray for your well being, safety and progress tonight... I surely find you in fond memories and laugh until tears. You are not just a brother worthy by blood, but worthy by name. I will trust in the one who directs the cosmos and earns the hearts of the broken with your future. Missing you tonight...
As for the man who gave his life in unmentionable ways and inspired me to be sensitive to the legacy that I leave in my time... Happy Birthday, Dad. You are remembered and missed... (April, 26th, 1955)
Ephesians 6:1-9
Matthew 5:7 Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.
Matthew 6:12 Forgive us our debts, as we also forgive our debtors.
Romans 12:14 Bless those who persecute you; bless, and don’t curse.
Matthew 26:28 For this is my blood of the new covenant, which is poured out for many for the remission of sins.
Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you.
Luke 17:4 If he sins against you seven times in the day, and seven times returns, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”"
I John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Day 63 (The Day Before 9 Weeks)
So I'm the type of person that is inclined to think all things happen for a reason. This type of thinking can open your mind to questions. I've found that the greatest insight to this type of person is to be intentional with the framework of your question. For instance... The power just went out! Possible question: "Do you think miniature pigs from France have tapped into our power sources in order to fuel their plan of ridding the world of bacon?" (This would not be cool!) Alternative question: "Are you up for a game of Capture the Flag?"
Now please do not get me wrong. There are far more serious situations that have the potential to challenge your thought life and rightly so. For instance... My child has passed away. My parents are getting divorced. My home is being foreclosed on. My spouse is having an affair. All my possessions have been taken and I lost my loved ones. Each of these situations have the right to emotion and lead to questions. If I were more scientific I could explain it as the process of cause and effect. One of the effects that serious, heart-wrenching stuff can cause is anger. The interesting thing about anger is that anger can make you angry for being angry! Maybe even guilty! But all things happen for a reason. How do you frame anger into a masterful piece of art instead of an ugly eyesore that gives you nightmares? Maybe this will help...
First off, not all anger is a missed mark. In fact, you have the right to be angry about what God is angry about. It has a title as well; Righteous Anger. You have the right to be this way until the sun goes down. Matter of fact, you have the right to many things before the sun goes down. When things don't match up to the character of God on this side of heaven, it should stir up some serious stuff in your emotional mix. If not, you might just be a robot!? But what do you do with it? You see rights can disguise themselves as entitlement or lead you into serving yourself. This is my right, I'm going to take it. You may be under the impression that because something foul or far from the character of God has happened to you and that it is by your hand that change will occur simply because you may have the right. But there is something incredibly saddening that occurs when we take our right to bed and watch the sun go down. Our hearts harden and we miss out on the comfort and love of God. Hate takes residence in our hearts and evicts love. Then hate walks around trashing the place with no desire to clean up the mess! So anger isn't the issue, it is what we chose to do with it.
I like looking at anger as the "check engine" light in your car or the "almost empty" light by your fuel gauge. These signals are there on purpose to help you know when something needs to be checked or filled. If you deny their existence, you are in for a problematic outcome. If you overreact, you may never remedy the issue. Anger is the same way. It isn't meant to be bottled up or an excuse for us to just blow up, both forms are just as dangerous. You probably already know this, but "unchecked" anger doesn't do any good for you or the people around you. So when the anger light is blaring and blinking, consider it a time to check your heart. Maybe it's time to deal with some of the repairs you never took the time to have worked on? Maybe you've been using the wrong fuel and you find yourself continually running empty?
Things in regards to my brother still continue to be a challenge for our family. In many cases we have the right to be emotional and find ourselves checking gauges. If you have been reading my posts you may have a relatively clear understanding of why. If not, please feel free to get yourself updated by going back and reading through. I consider anyone willing to journey through this with us a part of our family and have attempted to keep you up to speed as best as I can. Our family is still not allowed to contact my brother, my mother is still not allowed visitation, and by law we are only allowed what my brother's fiancé (temporary guardian) will give to us in both visitation and information. On Tuesday, March 22nd we had some breakthrough. After numerous attempts to communicate with my brother's fiancé and the hospital, a small glimmer of progress was made. Around 3:37pm, my brother's patient advocate assigned by the hospital contacted me returning a call that I made that morning at 9:42am. According to her statement, my brother had requested to see my Grandfather and my son. They would be allowed monitored visitation. Considering my grandfather's age, my son would most appropriately need to have a parent or someone that he felt comfortable transporting him and being with him while at the visitation. Because of this they asked my brother if he'd like to see his brother and his response was yes. They are granting the request and we will be allowed monitored visitation on a set day and time when we visit Michigan. Although this can still seem surreal and uncomprehending, we went from being allowed nothing to something. We still have yet to receive any communication from my brother's fiancé (however we have received 3 brief updates via Facebook email from my brother's fiance) and our heart still aches as to why. All things are being funneled through attorneys and case workers and this has just given more distance relationally when this time could be an opportunity to grow closer. We have received limited information on Brad's health. I posted the March 16th update on my previous post. We have received two since with the last being Saturday, March 19th. So I will share what I know with you just like you are family....
My brother had a CT Scan at Borgess Hospital sometime last week. I do not know the medical results. His right side is moving more. During his physical therapy time he is being put through training and tests to stand and use a walker. His speech is being worked on through therapy and it is improving. He is also being trained to learn how to swallow and this is progressing as well. This is going to take time and rehab.
The above is all we have for now. So we can ask a lot of questions like "Why is this happening?" or "Why do things look the way they do?" But thinking like Jesus takes intention and practice. So maybe today is a day to ask yourself what questions are you asking? Are you being intentional with the framework? Are you guarding your heart from questions filled with fear and why? Because while we are in the trenches of pain and blindness, there is a process taking place regardless of our choices!
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 Pigs are not out to stop bacon production by cutting off our electricity (at least not that I'm aware of)! Anger and emotion do not hold the power to keep us down. Make ever effort under the sun to right what's wrong. Make peace with your mind as well as others. Replace anger with love... even if you have the right not to! Love wins...
Please continue to pray for peace and healing! We covet your prayers...
Things that give me help and may be a help to you this week...
Ephesians 4:31-32
Ephesians 4:26:27
Proverbs 15:1
Proverbs 29:11
Proverbs 29:22
Galatians 5:19-21
Romans 1:8
Now please do not get me wrong. There are far more serious situations that have the potential to challenge your thought life and rightly so. For instance... My child has passed away. My parents are getting divorced. My home is being foreclosed on. My spouse is having an affair. All my possessions have been taken and I lost my loved ones. Each of these situations have the right to emotion and lead to questions. If I were more scientific I could explain it as the process of cause and effect. One of the effects that serious, heart-wrenching stuff can cause is anger. The interesting thing about anger is that anger can make you angry for being angry! Maybe even guilty! But all things happen for a reason. How do you frame anger into a masterful piece of art instead of an ugly eyesore that gives you nightmares? Maybe this will help...
First off, not all anger is a missed mark. In fact, you have the right to be angry about what God is angry about. It has a title as well; Righteous Anger. You have the right to be this way until the sun goes down. Matter of fact, you have the right to many things before the sun goes down. When things don't match up to the character of God on this side of heaven, it should stir up some serious stuff in your emotional mix. If not, you might just be a robot!? But what do you do with it? You see rights can disguise themselves as entitlement or lead you into serving yourself. This is my right, I'm going to take it. You may be under the impression that because something foul or far from the character of God has happened to you and that it is by your hand that change will occur simply because you may have the right. But there is something incredibly saddening that occurs when we take our right to bed and watch the sun go down. Our hearts harden and we miss out on the comfort and love of God. Hate takes residence in our hearts and evicts love. Then hate walks around trashing the place with no desire to clean up the mess! So anger isn't the issue, it is what we chose to do with it.
I like looking at anger as the "check engine" light in your car or the "almost empty" light by your fuel gauge. These signals are there on purpose to help you know when something needs to be checked or filled. If you deny their existence, you are in for a problematic outcome. If you overreact, you may never remedy the issue. Anger is the same way. It isn't meant to be bottled up or an excuse for us to just blow up, both forms are just as dangerous. You probably already know this, but "unchecked" anger doesn't do any good for you or the people around you. So when the anger light is blaring and blinking, consider it a time to check your heart. Maybe it's time to deal with some of the repairs you never took the time to have worked on? Maybe you've been using the wrong fuel and you find yourself continually running empty?
Things in regards to my brother still continue to be a challenge for our family. In many cases we have the right to be emotional and find ourselves checking gauges. If you have been reading my posts you may have a relatively clear understanding of why. If not, please feel free to get yourself updated by going back and reading through. I consider anyone willing to journey through this with us a part of our family and have attempted to keep you up to speed as best as I can. Our family is still not allowed to contact my brother, my mother is still not allowed visitation, and by law we are only allowed what my brother's fiancé (temporary guardian) will give to us in both visitation and information. On Tuesday, March 22nd we had some breakthrough. After numerous attempts to communicate with my brother's fiancé and the hospital, a small glimmer of progress was made. Around 3:37pm, my brother's patient advocate assigned by the hospital contacted me returning a call that I made that morning at 9:42am. According to her statement, my brother had requested to see my Grandfather and my son. They would be allowed monitored visitation. Considering my grandfather's age, my son would most appropriately need to have a parent or someone that he felt comfortable transporting him and being with him while at the visitation. Because of this they asked my brother if he'd like to see his brother and his response was yes. They are granting the request and we will be allowed monitored visitation on a set day and time when we visit Michigan. Although this can still seem surreal and uncomprehending, we went from being allowed nothing to something. We still have yet to receive any communication from my brother's fiancé (however we have received 3 brief updates via Facebook email from my brother's fiance) and our heart still aches as to why. All things are being funneled through attorneys and case workers and this has just given more distance relationally when this time could be an opportunity to grow closer. We have received limited information on Brad's health. I posted the March 16th update on my previous post. We have received two since with the last being Saturday, March 19th. So I will share what I know with you just like you are family....
My brother had a CT Scan at Borgess Hospital sometime last week. I do not know the medical results. His right side is moving more. During his physical therapy time he is being put through training and tests to stand and use a walker. His speech is being worked on through therapy and it is improving. He is also being trained to learn how to swallow and this is progressing as well. This is going to take time and rehab.
The above is all we have for now. So we can ask a lot of questions like "Why is this happening?" or "Why do things look the way they do?" But thinking like Jesus takes intention and practice. So maybe today is a day to ask yourself what questions are you asking? Are you being intentional with the framework? Are you guarding your heart from questions filled with fear and why? Because while we are in the trenches of pain and blindness, there is a process taking place regardless of our choices!
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 Pigs are not out to stop bacon production by cutting off our electricity (at least not that I'm aware of)! Anger and emotion do not hold the power to keep us down. Make ever effort under the sun to right what's wrong. Make peace with your mind as well as others. Replace anger with love... even if you have the right not to! Love wins...
Please continue to pray for peace and healing! We covet your prayers...
Things that give me help and may be a help to you this week...
Ephesians 4:31-32
Ephesians 4:26:27
Proverbs 15:1
Proverbs 29:11
Proverbs 29:22
Galatians 5:19-21
Romans 1:8
Night Light (Day 56)
For the last several weeks I have been learning new things about our 3 year and 10 month old little princess. For instance, she is not a fan of dance class until she gets there and then we find ourselves having difficulty bringing her home because she wants to stay to be with Ms. Sarah (her teacher) and her friends! She has the uncanny ability to tell the sheer difference between the inexpensive "off" brand of Eggos and the real thing! Another example would be that she now desires her crust to be thoroughly removed prior to her being presented any type of sandwich. It's amazing to see her grow and develop to be more adorable and precious each and every waking moment we are allowed to be in her presence. Her latest peculiarity is to not be alone in the dark. No matter how much we coach her she is still incredibly uncomfortable with this. It makes a significant amount of sense; being afraid of the dark. When light is shining into a room it becomes much easier to navigate through. You no longer have the concern of tripping on something you didn't see and you are no longer susceptible to being harmed by the fall! So ultimately this equates to dark is bad, light is good! And if the two were part of a paper, rock, scissors type of game (reference due to last night's youth group), light would trump dark. Still, there can be darkness and I would have to agree with Emma Grace; no one should be left alone in the dark.
So here is my attempt to not leave those "in the dark" that have been praying and concerned about the well being and recovery of my brother!
On Thursday, March 3rd, I was informed that my brother's fiance was granted temporary guardianship of my brother by the county that he is currently hospitalized. For those of you that are not familiar with guardianship I will clarify as best as I know how. Adult guardianship is the process by which the court finds an individual's ability to make decisions so impaired that the court gives the right to make decisions to another person. This process begins by a petition being filed by an interested party or a hospital. An interested person is a parent, spouse or close family member, a close friend, or a public agency such as the Department of Social Services. Sometimes hospitals file the petition, as when an incompetent patient cannot be discharged to another care facility because the patient has no one who can sign the necessary discharge and admission papers and take care of financial arrangements. The hospital asks that a public guardian or someone else be appointed guardian.
In my brother's case, the hospital petitioned the court in Kent County (location of my brother's hospital) for the appointment of an emergency guardian without nominating (or informing) my mother and appointing my brother's fiance. This is unusual (but not illegal) because the parent has priority under the law and my mother had informed the hospital that she was available and next of kin. It is also unusual because prior to this appointment, my mother had been holding the responsibility of making decisions and signing necessary papers. This appointment also happened upon my mother's returning to partial days at work (an already overwhelming choice to make after being by my brothers side for 39 days). Circumstances are tense and lawyers are representing the hospital, my mother, and my brother's fiance. Since this date, things have been a considerable struggle for information and transparency. This appointment of temporary guardianship has now given all medical decisions and information to the guardian, my brother's fiance. Prior to this decision, my mother had received all information and made information available to his fiance and her family. My brother's fiance and family were always welcome and were allowed to hear directly from Brad's doctors and nurses every single day. Since temporary guardianship has been appointed to my brother's fiance, things have changed. Our family is no longer able to gain information from nurses or doctors. They have indicated that by doing so it would be illegal and that we will need to contact my brother's fiance for any information. This makes things difficult because information comes slow and in some cases, not at all!
This temporary guardianship also allows the appointed to make decisions as to who is allowed to visit my brother. Unfortunately, as of Saturday, March 12th, rights were leveraged. Our family (this includes my mother, step-father, uncles, aunts, my brother's 80 year old grandfather and 77 year old grandmother, my 11-year old son, etc.) is no longer allowed to visit and communicate with my brother. I am unable to call and speak with him and I fear I will be unable to spend any time with him when our family visits Michigan. I can't explain how surreal and painful this entire experience has been for ever single person involved. But I will spare you the emotion of it and just continue to give clear facts.
From March 12th to March 16th, we were unable to know whether my brother was breathing or dancing! After these days of no information, no visitation, and my wife and I attempting to receive information by sending several texts to my brother's fiance, making phone calls to the hospital and to talk to Brad, and a Facebook posting to my brother's fiance .... we were finally sent a brief update on Brad's progress. So I'd love to share it with you, just as if you were family....
"I just wanted to let you all know Brad is doing very well. Physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy are going good. Brad has gotten to walk a couple of times during physical therapy with a walker. Brad got to go and have lunch today for the first time. he did well considering he had been busy and was tired. Brads speech is improving as well."
Now let me sum this up... Throughout any trial or difficulty. Whether your faith is stretched and you become witness to brokenness and foul, inconceivable circumstances... there is hope and there is truth! And what sustains them... what keeps them going is love! When hope seems so far off and hidden, love sustains it (hope)! When truth seems muddy and fictitious thoughts try to move into your living room, love sustains it (truth)! It is the greatest of these (love)! Love is not a fickle thing that comes in the night to snuggle up and eat your popcorn. No love is far superior to even what we can muster up in our strongest will. Love is God... God is love. Listen to what this guy Paul has to say about love...
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13
My take on Paul's writing...
Love is a life called to practice patience in the midst of tragedy, kindness to those that hurt you, encouragement to those that are doing better than you, humility when you have the right to say look at me, honor to the indignant and lowly, selflessness when you want, calmness in a burning building, breathing grace and forgiveness in the worst of missed marks. Love isn't a fan of evil but a cheerleader for the truth!
One other thing from this guy named John...
"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:16-19
So maybe today you are captivated by the fear of something. Maybe the potential of losing your job. Maybe the potential of losing your marriage. Maybe the potential of losing visitation of someone you love. Let this be an encouragement to you today. There is no fear in love! Love takes fear and punts it like a helium filled football. Why? Because love does not punish! Love isn't a fan of evil but a cheerleader for the truth!
Continue to pray for the hearts and souls of those involved in my brothers situation. Lawyers, judges, physicians, nurses, social workers, janitors, etc. Continue to pray for my mother, my brother's fiance, and all the family supporting Brad! My hope is that peace will permeate hearts and relationships will be mended. My hope is that God is honored and the truth validates love. And most importantly, continue to be aware of the truth. Although we are surrounded by tragedy (Japan for instance) and heartache, don't be afraid of the dark... Love wins!
So here is my attempt to not leave those "in the dark" that have been praying and concerned about the well being and recovery of my brother!
On Thursday, March 3rd, I was informed that my brother's fiance was granted temporary guardianship of my brother by the county that he is currently hospitalized. For those of you that are not familiar with guardianship I will clarify as best as I know how. Adult guardianship is the process by which the court finds an individual's ability to make decisions so impaired that the court gives the right to make decisions to another person. This process begins by a petition being filed by an interested party or a hospital. An interested person is a parent, spouse or close family member, a close friend, or a public agency such as the Department of Social Services. Sometimes hospitals file the petition, as when an incompetent patient cannot be discharged to another care facility because the patient has no one who can sign the necessary discharge and admission papers and take care of financial arrangements. The hospital asks that a public guardian or someone else be appointed guardian.
In my brother's case, the hospital petitioned the court in Kent County (location of my brother's hospital) for the appointment of an emergency guardian without nominating (or informing) my mother and appointing my brother's fiance. This is unusual (but not illegal) because the parent has priority under the law and my mother had informed the hospital that she was available and next of kin. It is also unusual because prior to this appointment, my mother had been holding the responsibility of making decisions and signing necessary papers. This appointment also happened upon my mother's returning to partial days at work (an already overwhelming choice to make after being by my brothers side for 39 days). Circumstances are tense and lawyers are representing the hospital, my mother, and my brother's fiance. Since this date, things have been a considerable struggle for information and transparency. This appointment of temporary guardianship has now given all medical decisions and information to the guardian, my brother's fiance. Prior to this decision, my mother had received all information and made information available to his fiance and her family. My brother's fiance and family were always welcome and were allowed to hear directly from Brad's doctors and nurses every single day. Since temporary guardianship has been appointed to my brother's fiance, things have changed. Our family is no longer able to gain information from nurses or doctors. They have indicated that by doing so it would be illegal and that we will need to contact my brother's fiance for any information. This makes things difficult because information comes slow and in some cases, not at all!
This temporary guardianship also allows the appointed to make decisions as to who is allowed to visit my brother. Unfortunately, as of Saturday, March 12th, rights were leveraged. Our family (this includes my mother, step-father, uncles, aunts, my brother's 80 year old grandfather and 77 year old grandmother, my 11-year old son, etc.) is no longer allowed to visit and communicate with my brother. I am unable to call and speak with him and I fear I will be unable to spend any time with him when our family visits Michigan. I can't explain how surreal and painful this entire experience has been for ever single person involved. But I will spare you the emotion of it and just continue to give clear facts.
From March 12th to March 16th, we were unable to know whether my brother was breathing or dancing! After these days of no information, no visitation, and my wife and I attempting to receive information by sending several texts to my brother's fiance, making phone calls to the hospital and to talk to Brad, and a Facebook posting to my brother's fiance .... we were finally sent a brief update on Brad's progress. So I'd love to share it with you, just as if you were family....
"I just wanted to let you all know Brad is doing very well. Physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy are going good. Brad has gotten to walk a couple of times during physical therapy with a walker. Brad got to go and have lunch today for the first time. he did well considering he had been busy and was tired. Brads speech is improving as well."
Now let me sum this up... Throughout any trial or difficulty. Whether your faith is stretched and you become witness to brokenness and foul, inconceivable circumstances... there is hope and there is truth! And what sustains them... what keeps them going is love! When hope seems so far off and hidden, love sustains it (hope)! When truth seems muddy and fictitious thoughts try to move into your living room, love sustains it (truth)! It is the greatest of these (love)! Love is not a fickle thing that comes in the night to snuggle up and eat your popcorn. No love is far superior to even what we can muster up in our strongest will. Love is God... God is love. Listen to what this guy Paul has to say about love...
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13
My take on Paul's writing...
Love is a life called to practice patience in the midst of tragedy, kindness to those that hurt you, encouragement to those that are doing better than you, humility when you have the right to say look at me, honor to the indignant and lowly, selflessness when you want, calmness in a burning building, breathing grace and forgiveness in the worst of missed marks. Love isn't a fan of evil but a cheerleader for the truth!
One other thing from this guy named John...
"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:16-19
So maybe today you are captivated by the fear of something. Maybe the potential of losing your job. Maybe the potential of losing your marriage. Maybe the potential of losing visitation of someone you love. Let this be an encouragement to you today. There is no fear in love! Love takes fear and punts it like a helium filled football. Why? Because love does not punish! Love isn't a fan of evil but a cheerleader for the truth!
Continue to pray for the hearts and souls of those involved in my brothers situation. Lawyers, judges, physicians, nurses, social workers, janitors, etc. Continue to pray for my mother, my brother's fiance, and all the family supporting Brad! My hope is that peace will permeate hearts and relationships will be mended. My hope is that God is honored and the truth validates love. And most importantly, continue to be aware of the truth. Although we are surrounded by tragedy (Japan for instance) and heartache, don't be afraid of the dark... Love wins!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Day 50 (7 Weeks)
Fact and truth. Two words often defined or used as having the same meaning. Often times these two words are hard to separate because facts can disguise themselves as truth. For instance... Fact: a person believes that they have very little talent and have nothing to contribute to society. Truth: every person is crafted with enormous talent and potential. Fact and truth are often summed up in what we believe. Do we chose to see facts and allow ourselves to be hindered, harmed, or handicapped by their weight? Or hold to truth - a promise revealed in time regardless of facts?! Just in case this is getting a bit muddy or you have started to ask yourself, "Where is he going with this?", please keep reading! Today my family will lay to rest my Grandmother, Donna Blevins. See passed away early Tuesday morning due to health complications. Fact: this was not expected. Fact: this news has not come in the most convenient season. Fact: these circumstances can uncover raw emotions that have been untapped and come unexpected. I could go on and on but I will save you the details. But thankfully there are truths. Truth: we have peace because of where my Grandmother placed her faith. Truth: she rests in the inspiring presence of our Father God. Truth: God's plan is always in our best interest regardless of what we see and experience. Now, it can be extremely difficult to see clearly between fact and truth. Why? Facts can be so far from the truth that we can be victim to the facts. Now I'm not suggesting we deny facts and float around obliviously to what they hold in store. No we endure the facts because of the truth. Suffering is how we know comfort. It is also an opportunity for us to gain compassion for humanity through our experience. What an incredible gift! To know how one may feel so that you can meet them at heart level during their experience. To suffer with them and not simply pass by apathetic and empty. It gives you the insight to not just focus on the facts that capture so many and paralyze their journey, but to point to the hope that resides in a truth that we far too often miss. Fact: my brother was in a life-changing car accident 50 days ago (7 weeks). Fact: family and all involved have been stretched, burdened, and affected. Fact: information is harder to receive now and there are legal complications involved. Truth: God has been in the redemption business since before I was born. Truth: God fully intends to see His plans come to fruition. Truth: His timing is perfect and right and He uses our experiences for His good. Again, it can be agonizing to differentiate fact and truth. That what we see and feel may not be at all what we want. Or what we want may not be the best for us. For instance, I used to want to have my hair styled like Vanilla Ice. But if this would have happened, I think that I may have never met my wife! (This is a joke of course... not the hair part, that was for real!) Even though this is a less than deep or important example it is true. You see even in our faithlessness, mistakes, and deeply missed marks, God is faithful and perfect. So maybe today you are struggling with perception? Maybe you have your own perspective or opinion? Or maybe you are influenced by someone else and their viewpoint? But consider this... Is it fact or truth? Better said, would God say, "You did well with this assignment good and faithful worker!" Because fact is almost always different than truth! Or, "Do you know how greatly I love you? Trust in my plan for you! Live at peace with my grace being enough!" Truth remains, sustains, and makes right those that complain. Please continue to pray for our family. Maybe prayer is uncomfortable for you, this I understand... but could you consider just having us in your thoughts? Continue to pray for Brad's recovery, he is getting stronger each and everyday so we covet your prayers for healing and recovery. This in itself has been a miracle! And if I could ask a small favor... be aware of those around you today. You could have an amazing opportunity to share with someone truth while they are in the midst of being oppressed with facts!
Stuff that brings me inspiration that may be a help to you as well:
John 6:29
Matthew 11:28-30
The Book of Ester
Psalm 91
Romans 12
Stuff that brings me inspiration that may be a help to you as well:
John 6:29
Matthew 11:28-30
The Book of Ester
Psalm 91
Romans 12
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Day 42
Our days are simply nothing less than interesting. Better said, moments are made by what we choose to remember. Days by the ocean, our first kiss, going to prom, watching our children grow into pure character world-changers, even burying a loved one. It has been some time since I have posted news on my brother. Primarily because of the intensity of the circumstances and the complexity of the situation. Although the road has been less than smooth and the days to come may be difficult to navigate, my brother continues to beat the odds. I could give you a tremendous list like he has lost 24 pounds and his trache has been removed... but I'm prepared to deliver something more significant. For the first time in 43 days I had dialogue with my brother! Today we didn't talk about politics or Charlie Sheen... we said " I Love You". This was a moment uncontrolled with uncensored tears! Only by the mercy and grace of a God that longs for reconciliation and redemption could such a story unfold. Only by a miracle served by a creator out for our good. Regardless of health or ambition. His story will unfold. Because there is a hope that sustains...
As we have focused on my brother's recovery and have seen so much dilemma pass through, I have found God enlarging my heart for the many forgotten. While so many battle the small and simple moments, there are so many people in this world without love... some believing they have no worth, some beaten and left with no dignity, some that are run over and disrespected, some without a voice! While some leverage what they may know on this side of heaven, there is a Father that designs something far more complex then we can understand. Even through our missed marks and arrogance. Something that at the end of the day results in plans for good and plans to prosper. While my brother regains his voice and we celebrate his amazing progress, I am vividly aware that there are so many less fortunate. Empty and alone. Ones that may not be able to measure God's love by physical healing because they watch a love one pass on and wonder where God is. Others may be without someone caring for them. No one fighting for them... being passed over each day with no regard. Judged and ruled as useless. Abandoned and left as an orphan. Not because they are without family... but because the idea of family is limited and simple. This thought has passed through my mind like Lance Armstrong tied to a bike while drinking Red Bull... "What if God abandoned His family?"... "What if He decided to extricate the people He didn't like?"
Tonight we soak in the infectious sound of my brother's first words in 43 days. We wonder at the immense family that God has given us through prayer, conversations, Facebook, and personal connection. I am humbled and we are thoroughly undeserving of the love poured out. You who take the time to consider my brother in thought or in prayer are accepted as richly loved family members. You are adored and we are praying for each of you as well. We cling to the thought that each of you are attempting to take on life and the journey with all of us together. Never alone... My brother has so many that are covering him with love, thanks to you! Continue to pray for my brother's recovery, pray for our family (Blevins, Vroman, "insert your last name", etc.), pray for those that are simply missed in the daily routine and seek them out to encourage them right where they are... You never know what type of healing might happen!
As we have focused on my brother's recovery and have seen so much dilemma pass through, I have found God enlarging my heart for the many forgotten. While so many battle the small and simple moments, there are so many people in this world without love... some believing they have no worth, some beaten and left with no dignity, some that are run over and disrespected, some without a voice! While some leverage what they may know on this side of heaven, there is a Father that designs something far more complex then we can understand. Even through our missed marks and arrogance. Something that at the end of the day results in plans for good and plans to prosper. While my brother regains his voice and we celebrate his amazing progress, I am vividly aware that there are so many less fortunate. Empty and alone. Ones that may not be able to measure God's love by physical healing because they watch a love one pass on and wonder where God is. Others may be without someone caring for them. No one fighting for them... being passed over each day with no regard. Judged and ruled as useless. Abandoned and left as an orphan. Not because they are without family... but because the idea of family is limited and simple. This thought has passed through my mind like Lance Armstrong tied to a bike while drinking Red Bull... "What if God abandoned His family?"... "What if He decided to extricate the people He didn't like?"
Tonight we soak in the infectious sound of my brother's first words in 43 days. We wonder at the immense family that God has given us through prayer, conversations, Facebook, and personal connection. I am humbled and we are thoroughly undeserving of the love poured out. You who take the time to consider my brother in thought or in prayer are accepted as richly loved family members. You are adored and we are praying for each of you as well. We cling to the thought that each of you are attempting to take on life and the journey with all of us together. Never alone... My brother has so many that are covering him with love, thanks to you! Continue to pray for my brother's recovery, pray for our family (Blevins, Vroman, "insert your last name", etc.), pray for those that are simply missed in the daily routine and seek them out to encourage them right where they are... You never know what type of healing might happen!
Day 33
I write with good news that my brother has been safely transported from Borgess Hospital to Spectrum LTAC as of yesterday afternoon. He will be treated with more PT and OT helping his rehabilitation and recovery at a long-term scale. He is wearing normal clothes and they are attempting to make his journey more natural than hospital! As life continues to move forward, I seem to be resistant to forcing it's movement. My brother has a long road ahead of him and no person is knowledgeable enough to determine his future. To say the least, the days have been long. The time while in Michigan alongside my brother seemed more real and the days since I have fumbled through. Being transparent, I'm at a distance that makes conversation, information, and perception incredibly hard to determine. The struggle continues in many forms and in many ways I suppose through everyone's life. Guilt can play a part in just going about in the routine of life, but then without moving forward... how do lives change? Our story gives light to a story created well before ours. As my brother starts the journey of rehabilitation in a new hospital and attempts to battle giants, many have done the same. These stories give us hope for his recovery and I long for more as well. You see I dream of people being able to love so deeply that past and future are irrelevant. Forgiveness is as if air breathed and grace is like a drink of water while on a desert journey. Grace is enough! With that being said, we aren't alone in saying we need more than just friendship. Everyday people go through this life without love. They seek it in a job, a home, material, some connections... but what about family? Not just the biological term! What about a humanity that is willing, even dieing, to give up at all costs their freedom to invest in you? As my brother slowly walks through this journey with the support of his family, friends, and those praying for him that he has yet to meet... I ask that you simply take a moment tonight and invest in someone. Remind them that they are not alone. Simply a word of encouragement, a hug, or just your time! Stop to bring dignity, love, or a simple conversation to someone that might be missing such a thing. Often we think people are cared for or fully encouraged. We are rushed and consumed in our own affairs. But we are less attentive of those that encourage us. They are a rock and seem to be fully strong. But who is praying for them? Who is flooding them with support? They may need you now! Continue to pray for our family and Brad's progress. We covet your prayers and care. Pray for those that may be going through a similar situation and may be seeking answers to any unanswerable question. And even more importantly, look at your circumstances and ask if it's time to make a change. A change that leads to a God of forgiveness, grace, and truth! Love wins...
A Month & A Day
So much can happen in one month. I don't think this is a profound declaration or some new discovery that I can coin and make t-shirts with. But as I slowed down today to make sure I posted an update on my brother's progress this thought became measurable and real. We are given so much time. I know it seems more appropriate to state we are busy and don't have time or that our plates are full and our calendars are booked until American Idol and Glee go off the air. The truth is that we freely give our time to what we deem valuable. So where are we spending all of our time? And it may be fair to ask... How much time am I given? Now before you stop reading, begin to think this is induced by personal suffering, or start having internal dialog about how cliché this thought is; let me take you on a short journey. One month and a day ago my brother, Brad, was in a serious car accident. It was not your run of the mill fender bender. His car was totaled, a deer was saved, and a bus tried to play monster truck with the Kia that my brother was driving. He has had to endure personal suffering I cannot fathom. He has been supported by machines in order to breath and live. He is medicated daily for pain and infections. Assuming that you have viewed previous notes in regards to my brother, I'll stop there. He has been through so much in 29 days. But it may be just as true to say that all of us have been through so much in the past 29 days. This isn't confined or exclusive to my family. This includes you as well. This is why this thought is so vast and so necessary for us to notice and be shaken by. Take a moment and inventory the past 29 days. What has gone on? Maybe you have received that new job you had been searching for over the last few years? Maybe you caught the bouquet at a wedding? Maybe you had the chance to restore a relationship that had gone sour in years past? Maybe you cried at a chick flick. Legally Blonde always gets to me! Or maybe your friend was diagnosed with cancer? Maybe your children moved out and you feel all alone? Maybe your family is broken and dysfunctional? Maybe Valentine's Day was just a reminder of what you don't have? Maybe you lost your job, house, wife, and the family dog? So much can happen in 29 days. About three days ago my brother was moved from the ICU to the 2nd floor at Borgess Hospital. His status was changed from critical to serious. His situation went from bad to better. Today they changed his trache size to a 6. This allows him to have the potential to begin talking when he is full and ready. We are so incredibly excited for his progress. We are re-learning the beauty of celebrating the small things. This can be difficult in a culture that has Bieber Fever and Twitter. We seek big things to excite us. It takes alot for us to get excited. But this progress excites me. I'm jumping as you read! Not gracefully, but jumping! And to think that 29 days ago he was driving down a snow covered country road and minutes later being cut out of a car. You see counting the days past should illustrate chapters of our story. They paint a vivid picture of the time we have been given. I don't know what the story ahead has in store. Not for Brad, you, or myself. It may have a villain that fashions a curly mustache and takes your lady friend for ransom. Yikes! It may be running through the streets of historic Paris while singing show tunes as the sun kisses your skin. It may be a scene in which you are at graveside defining surreal as your face burns from the tears. But the story is much clearer when you know who the protagonist is. Things have trouble progressing from sentence to paragraph, and page to chapter when you are trying to guess the protagonist. If this term is foreign or is hard to relate to, the protagonist is the main character. Most often the hero. You see I'm finding that more and more each day I need to be the deuteragonist in this life story. That if my life story is going to have a hero, it isn't me. The hero is the one who gives the time that I'd like to think I control and use and tell people I'm busy with. But I'm the deuteragonist. The side-kick! A witness to the good and bad stuff. I'm surely not the one in this story that gives time and determines how much of it I will have. But a well written story ends with the protagonist on top at the end. The hero finds hope even when hope looks like he skipped out on his check at Steak-N-Shake! He knows where hope lives and he'll take you there at lighting speed; if you ask! So a wise side-kick follows this guy to the end. A seasoned side-kick says that he or she is ok with going along for the ride even when he questions the hero's action plan! A great story will be written. It is in progress. It has a beginning and an end. There are victims and villains. Chaos and mayhem. And there is a hero. This hero came in and fought the villain. Matter of fact, he won. This hero fights for my brother and you every moment. In return this hero gave us time. Time to spend, live and share. So the next time you start to feel the words "I'm too busy" or "I don't have the time!", remember what you have been given. This hero did not fight to give a prison sentence for you to serve out while you are on this side of heaven. Nor did he do so that we may convince others that we are important and have much to do. Remember we are the deuteragonist, not the protagonist. Just embrace the ride and support the hero! Whether your story is 29 minutes, days, years, or decades; it is a story. One where Jesus can save and rescue. One in which he is the hero. Your moments will be remembered and cherished by someone. They will be revisited and described by others. You are making an impact right where you are. Whether you are in a hospital bed or a board room. A factory or a mission trip. A classroom or the kitchen. So what story will be told? Is it one about the time that was given, or one about the time you didn't have to give? And who is your protagonist and what are you holding valuable? So much can happen in a month... don't you think?
Please continue to pray for our family, Bradley, and those that you see in need. We covet these requests!
Please continue to pray for our family, Bradley, and those that you see in need. We covet these requests!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Day 25
Honesty seems to be a valuable commodity these days. At some point in history, a hand shake and promise were enough. At least that is what I hear. I love the thought of such an exchange. That word and integrity were, at some level, held esteem. Maybe I am an idealist or prefer to see something that produces hope than horror in all things. But it is apparent that things on this side of heaven can stretch these convictions. So what will we do with this information? How will we respond? Tonight doctors have told me that my brother may be transferred to Borgess PIPP, an acute long-term care facility. Borgess-Pipp is in the top one percent of long-term acute care hospitals in the country for patient satisfaction and statistics published in the Journal of the American Medical Association.
The nation's average one-year death rate is 50 percent, but at Borgess-Pipp it's just eight percent. This sounds like a positive, but this is a push by his insurance company because costs are lower for him to be cared for by such a facility. This comes in part because he is currently not a candidate for Mary Free Bed, a rehabilitation facility, primarily because of the infections and the costs. So, today points towards some confusing next steps. With this all being said, I find my hope less in conversations and simple thoughts... but in the dreams of a God large enough to serve. Why? Because hope lives or dies in what we believe. Some of us believe in a career move, relationship, material gain, education, money, trust, church, or almost anything under the sun. But, none of these give me hope. They only have a season to exist and to fulfill a void. Still with this being said, it does not remove us from the pain that is in store, even for those that see the big picture. You see, I love my brother and desire his health to be restored. But frankly speaking, I desire something much deeper at this point. And I can only trust in the author and perfecter of my faith. The one who gives life and is out for all of our best outcomes. So please continue to pray for our family. Some day I will be so thankful to share with you all the stories that I have heard! Pray for those still coming in and out of the ICU. Pray for those around you that may be struggling with life and the efforts involved in it. And remember, no matter how far you have gone or how desperate you feel, that love wins. Those evil and discouraging things that are happening. The brokeness and despair. The missed times and past. They will be redeemed. They will be fixed. Because love wins. Your life matters. Don't give up!
The nation's average one-year death rate is 50 percent, but at Borgess-Pipp it's just eight percent. This sounds like a positive, but this is a push by his insurance company because costs are lower for him to be cared for by such a facility. This comes in part because he is currently not a candidate for Mary Free Bed, a rehabilitation facility, primarily because of the infections and the costs. So, today points towards some confusing next steps. With this all being said, I find my hope less in conversations and simple thoughts... but in the dreams of a God large enough to serve. Why? Because hope lives or dies in what we believe. Some of us believe in a career move, relationship, material gain, education, money, trust, church, or almost anything under the sun. But, none of these give me hope. They only have a season to exist and to fulfill a void. Still with this being said, it does not remove us from the pain that is in store, even for those that see the big picture. You see, I love my brother and desire his health to be restored. But frankly speaking, I desire something much deeper at this point. And I can only trust in the author and perfecter of my faith. The one who gives life and is out for all of our best outcomes. So please continue to pray for our family. Some day I will be so thankful to share with you all the stories that I have heard! Pray for those still coming in and out of the ICU. Pray for those around you that may be struggling with life and the efforts involved in it. And remember, no matter how far you have gone or how desperate you feel, that love wins. Those evil and discouraging things that are happening. The brokeness and despair. The missed times and past. They will be redeemed. They will be fixed. Because love wins. Your life matters. Don't give up!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
A Wedding & A Funeral
Today was an incredibly full day. For the last 9 months I have been invested in the life of a couple desiring to be married. After hours of conversations and due diligence, we were able to celebrate their effort, patience, and transparency through a ceremony and reception full of laughter and tears. We were able to recognize that life is to be embraced, lived, and made known. Intention was given to every detail and forced us to slow down to witness. All while so many other things in this broken world continue to move about as if they have authority and right. Isn't it realistic to say that we are all constantly busy and inundated by much to do? Maybe better said, we are all going through something? A season that is between a wedding and a funeral. Life, death. Today, ironically, marks the four year anniversary of my father's passing. On the same day that I am cheer-leading a couple about their first days together, I am grieving the loss of a substantial part of who I am. A day in which I received a horrific phone call that slowed down time with information. At 51 years of age, my father passed away due to a massive heart attack. This day also marks a three week milestone of my brother being admitted to ICU at Brogress Hospital. The same hospital and floor that my father was pronounced dead. However, my brother has much more promise in his prognosis. So let me update you with what I know, as if you were my family!
My brother is currently in the same room battling many of the same trials that have been placed before him since day one. He has been given a tracheotomy to relieve the tubes originally placed in his mouth. At this moment he is being treated with antibiotics for an acute psuedomoanus at the incision site of the tracheotomy. He was taken in this afternoon for a cerebral angiogram to determine if he was possibly having small strokes while in the hospital. Thankfully these tests came back indicating that strokes were not happening. My brother is being cared for by wonderfully amazing people and I can only imagine the best outcome. His quality of life is in question and doctors still have yet to answer the mortality question because of the infections and their limited ability to predict the future. We ask that if you care to visit that it be limited to family visits and not Bradley. We thoroughly expect him to soon be in a place where all those who love him will be able to spend time with him daily. At the moment, this is not that time. But he is healing and doctors hope to have him placed on another floor or possibly at Mary Free Bed Rehabilitation Hospital in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
For me, I am unrested. Most likely because this life is full of possibilities and probabilities. Hope and hindrance. Pain and pleasure. Juggling the magnitude of what has been placed before you and determining how you will respond. But may I ask you for a favor? As I continue to give you a glimpse of what our family may be enduring; would you be willing to share with us what may be hurting you? So that we can pray alongside you as you do for us? If this is too much to ask, I understand. I trust that this journey for us is larger than just waiting for Bradley to stand up and tell us he is ready to remove the life-supporting machinery he has attached to his frail body. No, I cling to the thought that the God that I serve is weaving strands together so that they may not be broken. That through tragedy, temptation, affliction, and torment, love can still win. We have friends that lost their beautiful five year old girl to cancer some months ago honoring her in a race tomorrow morning. Because of their story and painful transparency, love wins. We have a family that is suffering through the impact of their 18 year-old girl, about to go to college, and are digesting the news of her being injured in a t-bone car accident that placed her into ICU with brain trauma. We all have stories. We all have been to weddings and funerals. But life doesn't need to be put on a pedestal because of a celebration or desolation. A wedding or funeral does not need to take place for us to reflect on the moments we have been given. But because they do, I give you this.
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
We have each other to hold onto or to be held. But when we haven't the strength, and this will come... we have another player in the mix. You see, we will struggle through both weddings and funerals, but He will not be broken. Tears, laughter, sorrow, and joy. We are not alone. As you continue to pray for my brother, please continue to pray for our family. Many things have surfaced that in which my wildest dreams would not imagine. With that being said, we are so very thankful for all of you that have invested their time and hearts in sharing this journey with us. And especially for enduring my simple writings of hope and healing. Continue to pray for those that have yet to understand the peace and comfort that a God so caring would be willing to give. And maybe more importantly, continue to pray for us to be stretched to show love beyond reason! May life matter... truth matter... and YOU matter!
My brother is currently in the same room battling many of the same trials that have been placed before him since day one. He has been given a tracheotomy to relieve the tubes originally placed in his mouth. At this moment he is being treated with antibiotics for an acute psuedomoanus at the incision site of the tracheotomy. He was taken in this afternoon for a cerebral angiogram to determine if he was possibly having small strokes while in the hospital. Thankfully these tests came back indicating that strokes were not happening. My brother is being cared for by wonderfully amazing people and I can only imagine the best outcome. His quality of life is in question and doctors still have yet to answer the mortality question because of the infections and their limited ability to predict the future. We ask that if you care to visit that it be limited to family visits and not Bradley. We thoroughly expect him to soon be in a place where all those who love him will be able to spend time with him daily. At the moment, this is not that time. But he is healing and doctors hope to have him placed on another floor or possibly at Mary Free Bed Rehabilitation Hospital in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
For me, I am unrested. Most likely because this life is full of possibilities and probabilities. Hope and hindrance. Pain and pleasure. Juggling the magnitude of what has been placed before you and determining how you will respond. But may I ask you for a favor? As I continue to give you a glimpse of what our family may be enduring; would you be willing to share with us what may be hurting you? So that we can pray alongside you as you do for us? If this is too much to ask, I understand. I trust that this journey for us is larger than just waiting for Bradley to stand up and tell us he is ready to remove the life-supporting machinery he has attached to his frail body. No, I cling to the thought that the God that I serve is weaving strands together so that they may not be broken. That through tragedy, temptation, affliction, and torment, love can still win. We have friends that lost their beautiful five year old girl to cancer some months ago honoring her in a race tomorrow morning. Because of their story and painful transparency, love wins. We have a family that is suffering through the impact of their 18 year-old girl, about to go to college, and are digesting the news of her being injured in a t-bone car accident that placed her into ICU with brain trauma. We all have stories. We all have been to weddings and funerals. But life doesn't need to be put on a pedestal because of a celebration or desolation. A wedding or funeral does not need to take place for us to reflect on the moments we have been given. But because they do, I give you this.
9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
We have each other to hold onto or to be held. But when we haven't the strength, and this will come... we have another player in the mix. You see, we will struggle through both weddings and funerals, but He will not be broken. Tears, laughter, sorrow, and joy. We are not alone. As you continue to pray for my brother, please continue to pray for our family. Many things have surfaced that in which my wildest dreams would not imagine. With that being said, we are so very thankful for all of you that have invested their time and hearts in sharing this journey with us. And especially for enduring my simple writings of hope and healing. Continue to pray for those that have yet to understand the peace and comfort that a God so caring would be willing to give. And maybe more importantly, continue to pray for us to be stretched to show love beyond reason! May life matter... truth matter... and YOU matter!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Random Noticings
Just in case you are reading this to get an update on Brad, this is not one of those notes. This is just a bunch of random ramblings and thoughts I decided to publish after observing some area churches and reflecting on religion. So if you're into random thoughts and such, this might be of interest. If not, you have been warned!
Churches. Denominations. Religion. Boy can it get confusing. Religion can be tricky. It can change your interests. It can become a country club in which only the elite are accepted. It can disguise a rotting heart. But that was not it's purpose. It was not intended to be a forum to "play house" and divide the polished and unpolished. It was not birthed to develop programs or systems to prove it's worth. It was meant to be the great equator. Where black, white, man, woman, Chinese, Japanese, rich, and poor become one. Simply put; it's worth is enough. It was and is the news that promotes self reflection of our inequities so we may be free from their weight. It is the impetus to understanding and the driver for unreasonable caring. Why? Because we are not so different. Because we have all fallen short. Not just me or you. Everyone under the sun. But do you believe this? It is freedom of shame and a request to free the shamed. It is a lifestyle change, not a diet. Not one in which we pray in public and reveal to others our deep knowledge of the ancient scrolls; then go home and indulge in lust, greed, gossip, and pride. No this religion should be one that exercises for results and models the right personal trainer. JC revealed some amazing methods to His clients. Some have taken it and have used it for self-promotion. Some have crossed His name off the "product" and "service" replacing it with their own. Some have misrepresented it and have packaged it as only achievable with their "product" or "service". Some have misunderstood His practices because they have trusted in the wrong trainer and have found themselves mending a wound. And some may blatantly eliminate the use of His training book and just fill themselves with supplements to achieve the results that they want. But what if His methods are simple and achievable? What if it was more than how good you are or how religious you become? What if you spent some time with JC and asked Him how it's done? What if this was what your religion looked like?
"Treat one another justly. Love your neighbors. Be compassionate with each other. Don’t take advantage of widows, orphans, visitors, and the poor. Don’t plot and scheme against one another." (Zechariah 7:6,9-10)
Maybe today could be a day to be religious doing these things!
Churches. Denominations. Religion. Boy can it get confusing. Religion can be tricky. It can change your interests. It can become a country club in which only the elite are accepted. It can disguise a rotting heart. But that was not it's purpose. It was not intended to be a forum to "play house" and divide the polished and unpolished. It was not birthed to develop programs or systems to prove it's worth. It was meant to be the great equator. Where black, white, man, woman, Chinese, Japanese, rich, and poor become one. Simply put; it's worth is enough. It was and is the news that promotes self reflection of our inequities so we may be free from their weight. It is the impetus to understanding and the driver for unreasonable caring. Why? Because we are not so different. Because we have all fallen short. Not just me or you. Everyone under the sun. But do you believe this? It is freedom of shame and a request to free the shamed. It is a lifestyle change, not a diet. Not one in which we pray in public and reveal to others our deep knowledge of the ancient scrolls; then go home and indulge in lust, greed, gossip, and pride. No this religion should be one that exercises for results and models the right personal trainer. JC revealed some amazing methods to His clients. Some have taken it and have used it for self-promotion. Some have crossed His name off the "product" and "service" replacing it with their own. Some have misrepresented it and have packaged it as only achievable with their "product" or "service". Some have misunderstood His practices because they have trusted in the wrong trainer and have found themselves mending a wound. And some may blatantly eliminate the use of His training book and just fill themselves with supplements to achieve the results that they want. But what if His methods are simple and achievable? What if it was more than how good you are or how religious you become? What if you spent some time with JC and asked Him how it's done? What if this was what your religion looked like?
"Treat one another justly. Love your neighbors. Be compassionate with each other. Don’t take advantage of widows, orphans, visitors, and the poor. Don’t plot and scheme against one another." (Zechariah 7:6,9-10)
Maybe today could be a day to be religious doing these things!
Brad's Birthday
Two weeks and three days ago my brother and I were discussing tuxedo rentals, the birthday card he just received from our family, and the Super Bowl. Two weeks and two days ago a collision changed the tone of all our conversations. There have been many milestones since that day of Brad's accident. When Brad made it through the first night we were witness to a miracle of survival. When day three passed we watched my brother become more responsive to stimulation tests. By day ten we were made aware that his pupils were dilated at normal levels. On day 11 he opened his eyes. But today may be the most significant milestone to me personally. You see two weeks and two days ago I wondered if he would survive long enough to make it to his next birthday. None of our family planned out sending out Brad's birthday card early this year so that he would receive it the day before his accident; we could not have known. Matter of fact, I'm usually the guy that gets you the card the day after (sometimes later)! But my wife was on a mission this year and it was to make sure we didn't get February birthday cards out late again! Thanks to her, and my accidental early mailing, Brad was able to receive, read, and thank us for his card. One day before the accident. So today is a significant milestone because today is Brad's 29th birthday. I'm sure he would rather spend it somewhere more exotic or more backwoods country, but his current accommodations will do for us! His prognosis has yet to change and there have been no significant changes in the last few days, but today is a day to celebrate. I suppose not simply for the fact that my brother was born on this day during some hour in 1982, but that there is still life to live. Life unknown, but life to live. Part of me is thoroughly ecstatic that my brother, at the moment, is not consumed with the thoughts that many of us are weighted down by everyday. Thoughts that rob us of life. Worry, fear, gossip, greed, ambition, jealousy, worthlessness, and many others. Consumed with paying bills for things that wither away. Consumed with accomplishment and becoming important. Struggling with only seeing "can't" instead of "can". Becoming a master of the art of surviving while their dreams and promises fade away. My brother has been stripped down to a place in which all that exists for him are hopes, dreams, promises, and a future. What may even be more tragic than my brother's accident is that it often takes such circumstances for us to recognize that we are allowing the robbery to happen. Maybe our own robbery is even robbing others? Maybe we need to be stripped away from what we hold valuable to reevaluate the valuable? My hopes are that this isn't the process needed for you to see clearly that you have been granted life. You've been granted dreams and promises. Maybe your choices are leading you to the wrong destination? Maybe you are at a destination that wasn't by choice? Regardless of the way, when stripped down, when separated from the weight of this world, things seem to become much more freeing. So today is Brad's birthday. A day to celebrate the day he was born and given life. No material can equate to or pay more dividends than the gift of life. A day that he can celebrate the simplicity of life and count it pleasurable to breathe. No need for fancy paper to try to dress up what is underneath! Happy Birthday, lil brother! I pray that your life gives life to others!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
More Clarity
Clarity. It is necessary for anyone to have in order to move forward. Congestion brings confusion, clarity brings progress. Tonight I have clarity. We are taking in each and every tiny victory and placing it on our shoulders for a march around the field! I have learned that my brother is no longer considered comatose. His response to invigorating tests have placed him into a different scale. Although he has yet to jump out of bed and kung-fu kick me in the chin, he is making progress. Still it is all about perception. Two days ago my brother had yet to open his eyes. Today he makes a crooked smile and has had his eyes open for hours. He is yet to be the man he was, but hope drives the man he will be. Doctors have indicated that he is at a Cognitive Level 2/3 in the coma stage. He is awake on and off during the day. He is making more movements than before. He is reacting to some things that he sees and hears. He is following some commands like, "Squeeze my hand". But it is going to be a long journey in which we are not thoroughly sure of the outcome. He now has a physical therapist and occupational therapist that will begin working with him and teaching his fiance and mother how to care for him. I'd like to think that we have moved from conversations about mortality to quality of life, but the doctors have not eliminated that thought. I'd be much more content if they did eliminate that thought, but I understand human error. But their information gives me clarity. As facts pour in and research is done, I see a God more marvelous than before working on a project far superior to any I've been witness to before. I like facts. They give me comfort and something to grip onto. Craziness happens when facts get messed up and things are no longer under our control. But I once heard that "He sends the foolish to shame the wise". So facts can validate something bigger than us. It messes up the wise! I love to know that Bradley is beating the odds. I love to know that Bradley has prayers being sent to him all over the world. I love that you are part of the story. I love that you are praying for him. Why? Because when we are wise, He shows up! I'd like to think that even when I have doubts and I start to buy into the brutal facts that I can still be proven wrong. I'd like to know that as I document this story and we witness it together we can measure my brother's progress by faith, not facts. Because each day given is a miracle! Facts indicate one direction, truth produces another. Facts tell us that his prognosis is poor. Things look bleak. The truth is that we don't know everything. While we would be more comfortable working to sell others to believe we know much, humility challenges me to believe I have much to learn. Why? I've seen marriages fixed that didn't deserve to be fixed. I've seen people on the brink of losing it all gain new life. I've seen relationships lost for years redeemed in a instant. I've seen people without dignity restored and pouring out dignity into others. I've seen people without a penny more satisfied than those with everything under the sun. How? Maybe you know and you've just had a hard time buying in. Maybe you are wise like me and it's just a bit too unpredictable to really call it what it is. But let me give you this... even doctors are calling my brother's progress a miracle. The wise being proven wrong. So tonight I have clarity. What about you?
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
MRI Results
One word, elation, defines my conversation last night in regards to Brad's status. One word, desolation, defines the news this morning. My brother has been in the neurological intensive care unit at Brogess Hospital since Friday, January 21st. Each day proceeds to be a tremendous emotional and spiritual journey with a wide variety of information and research. Unfortunately this information and research is funneled to me at a slower pace than desired and from a distance of around 1,200 miles. With that being said, ups and downs seem to come more often than anticipated. While my brother remains in Neurological ICU and over a foot of powdered snow invades the terrain around him, the "weather prediction" given by his Neurosurgeon seems to be far worse than a blizzard. Previous CT scans revealed that my brother had a cerebral contusion, better defined as an intraventricular hemorrhage, in the left-middle side of his brain. They had indicated that it was focused and singular (this means one hemorrhage, one spot). After my brother's MRI doctors found much more damage than previously suggested. They found multiple petechial hemorrhages in the left and right side of Brad's brain (more than one hemorrhage, all over the brain). These bleeds, which are not actively bleeding, are considered Grade IV bleeds (this means there is bleeding into the brain tissues around the ventricles). These bleeds could have happened in result of the collision or during the days of elevated cerebral swelling while in the Neurological ICU. Regardless of how these were acquired, this type of injury has a poor prognosis if the patient is comatose. The Neurosurgeon did suggest that these MRI facts do not conclude one's future. She stated that they have seen many clear MRI's and the patient never wakes up and MRI's in which the patient was far worse than Brad and the patient is drinking coffee, reading the news paper, and telling jokes. The key long term indicator, the one that leads to hope of recovery, is his response to treatment. Each day my brother, involuntarily or voluntarily, shows signs of improvement, he has a greater chance regardless of information and research. Although my brother is still considered comatose, there have been positive signs. There have been times where he moved his leg, hands, and yesterday he opened his eyes. So elation and desolation will come without my control of it's timing. It's almost humorous to me as I sit here thinking about it. The path of elation and desolation. Over the last several weeks we have been working with our little 3 year old princess, Emma Grace, and teaching her about her response to circumstances in life. The daily mantra has been "The only thing you can control is your response to the uncontrollable". Easier said than done! While her biggest issues usually pertain to having to clean up her toys, submit to the word "no", or wait until after dinner for ice cream, she is learning that we have choice. That even when the cards dealt seem to be worthless (we mainly play Go Fish these days) and our circumstances are unchangeable, we have choice. A choice to complain, digest fear, inflict wounds, and destroy our future. Or a choice of hope. A choice to build up, kick fear in the rear, heal wounds, and be confident of the future. One is a prison, one is freedom. And ultimately we are in control of the sentencing. Maybe you are dealing with something far greater than ice cream and cleaning your room. Maybe you don't see a way out or any hope whatsoever. Maybe you don't agree with our family mantra and you are about to take circumstances into your own hands. Then maybe I can leave you with some words that I didn't write. You see this chorus seems to meet you right where you are, in the middle of choice. Maybe the reminder within it can help you with your choice. Love wins...
"He Is With You"
He is with you when your faith is dead
And you can't even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn't kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby's gone
And your house is still and your heart's a stone
Cryin' God, what'd you do that for?
He is with you
He is with you in the conference room
When the world is coming down on you
And your wife and kids don't know you anymore
And he is with you in the ICU
When the doctors don't know what to do
And it scares you to the core
He is with you
He is with you when your kids are grown
When there's too much space and you feel alone
And you're worried if you got it right or wrong
Yes he is with you when you've given up
On ever finding your true love
Someone who feels like home
He is with you
When nothing else is left
And you take you final breath
He is with you
"He Is With You"
He is with you when your faith is dead
And you can't even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn't kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby's gone
And your house is still and your heart's a stone
Cryin' God, what'd you do that for?
He is with you
He is with you in the conference room
When the world is coming down on you
And your wife and kids don't know you anymore
And he is with you in the ICU
When the doctors don't know what to do
And it scares you to the core
He is with you
He is with you when your kids are grown
When there's too much space and you feel alone
And you're worried if you got it right or wrong
Yes he is with you when you've given up
On ever finding your true love
Someone who feels like home
He is with you
When nothing else is left
And you take you final breath
He is with you
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
He Opened His Eyes!
Brad had his monitor removed today. His swelling has stayed at excellent levels so they were able to proceed with an MRI. During the MRI Brad opened his eyes. When he was carted back around 7pm to Neurological ICU he kept them open and his fiancé and my mother were able to share the joy seeing his bright eyes again! After 11 days of being in a comatose state, his eyes were open. Something like 11 days our 11 years of having your eyes closed can seem like an eternity. But when they are open, joy and time are redeemed. He is sedated now and sleeping again, but we are juiced with hope! Keep praying and keep looking for God everywhere!
Day 10
Early this morning I was informed that the doctors believed that Brad had a staph infection called Staphylococcus Aureus which is in the MRSA family. They began treating him with an intense antibiotic called Vancomycin. Thankfully, after they allowed the culture to grow a bit longer and did some more research, they realized that they misdiagnosed the strand of infection and are now treating him for a much lower grade infection with an antibiotic called Meropemem. There is a small little victory dance going on in my heart. This is one of those times that you get excited about a misdiagnosis. It's kinda like when you see a really big guy that looks like he just came from a cage at a UFC event and you're pretty sure he could snap you with his eyes brows... and he ends up being a teddy bear who likes long walks on the beach! I've misdiagnosed a few things in my life. Even a few people. Sometimes we judge a situation or a person before we really allow the relationship to grow. We misdiagnose the culture and treat it with the strongest defense we know of. But what if we gave it some time? What if we went deeper and discovered more? Maybe we could lighten the treatment so to speak. Just a thought. Continue to pray for Brad, my brother. The prayers are felt and needed. Pray for our family. Continue to pray for the doctors and nurses serving our family and the many others in the Neurological ICU. Pray to see how you may be able to "lighten" the treatment on others! It may just be the right medication for healing...
Monday, January 31, 2011
Day Nine
Each night, that I am home, we tuck the girls in and I read from a "little princess" bible and we talk about the topic. What I find amazing is that although the topic is for little girls, I find that I'm being spoken to as well. Tonight's topic was "God is everywhere". You may be following these updates on a daily basis or maybe this is the first time you have clicked on a note and followed this far. So with that being said, please let me give you an update as if you were family. My brother is currently being cared for at Borgess Hospital in Kalamazoo, MI. He has been in critical care for 9 days. His injuries amount to many but most important is the one he endured to his head. I have received a variety of information that has taken me, a normal person, and my family on a roller-coster of emotions. With that being said, I have good news for you tonight. Brad, my brother, has had an encouraging day battling giants. Although he has many hurdles to jump over , today he did a couple things that suggest that he may be able to "make it around the track"! This morning he had purposeful motion with his eyes. This suggests that his brain is responding and his pupils are functioning properly. His ICP's (brain swelling levels) were down and at normal levels today. This is a significantly good thing. Our prayer is that this will stay consistent so that they may remove the brain monitor and be able to proceed with a MRI. They did reinsert his chest tube due to some fluid on the lungs, but this is to be expected when someone has gone through the trauma that Bradley has! Still all this makes me think. It challenges me to slow down and intentionally recognize that God IS everywhere! I can fully and rightfully take in the facts and ingest the bitter medical facts... or I can seek out the God in things. Tonight I will, at all costs, look for God in all things. Why? Because He has promised that He is everywhere. Being a "Big Brother" I feel responsible to say that I think that this is my job! Being everywhere that is. Defending the weak, cheering for the underdog, and being the voice for those that have no voice. But who comes to rescue the "Big Brother"? Who comes to rescue the mom who worries for her child? Who comes to rescue the little girl that is scared of the dark? Who can be everywhere at all times? Well tonight, because of a tiny pink-colored bible, I'm reminded that God is everywhere and in everything! He is in the sky that we take for granted, the time that we have been entrusted with, the people that we encounter during our daily routines, and the moonlight that shares the cosmos with the sun. This is a Big God. This is one that is everywhere. But He is only in what we chose to see. We can deny His existence. We can believe that life ends here. We can deny that children and birth are a miracle. We can believe that our circumstances are a coincidence. But I will be brutally honest! Maybe you are reading this and having trouble believing in a God that large? I thoroughly understand. It's unreasonable and unpredictable. But everyday I seem to be granted another day to live, wisdom suggests something irrational. That there is something more powerful than me or my talents and abilities. Maybe even more importantly at this moment is that there is a possibility that someone like Bradley, with the prognosis that he has, may very well at any instant turn into a miracle. Something none of us can answer. And the difficulty with denying a miracle is that I've seen them happen. When my parents divorced and I thought my mother would not survive, she picked up three jobs and she did! When I watched a family struggle through divorce and think the children would never forgive the parents, they did! When I watched a family lose their child and wonder if they could move on and love again, I witnessed them adopt a child and change the life of someone who had no life to begin with! When I watched a couple who were unable to have children for 19 years and were utterly hopeless about having a child of their own, I witnessed them give their announcement of being pregnant not once but twice against all odds. So when does faith outweigh reason? When we accept that God IS everywhere! He is in the color of the trees that we pass. The laughter of the child in the overcrowded store. The appointment that you'd rather skip. He is in every opportunity if you see opportunity. So tonight we see opportunity for Brad and I see opportunity for you. Be intentional to see God everyday in the small, unappreciated things. It may just change your everything!
Brad's Medical Update
More information slowly surfaces as tests come in and doctors become more conversational about my brother's prognosis. The Cerebral Contusion is more accurately defined as an Intraventricular Hemorrhage located in the left-middle part of the brain. If you aren't a trained medical profession this probably sounds greek to you. So hopefully I can give you some clarity.
An intraventricular hemorrhage, often abbreviated "IVH," is a bleeding into the brain's ventricular system, where the cerebrospinal fluid is produced and circulates through towards the subarachnoid space. This is a direct result from the physical trauma to his head. This is also something that may happen when one has hemorrhaging from a stroke. Brad has not had a stroke, he had a high-impact collision with a bus.
Intraventricular hemorrhaging has been found to occur in 35% of moderate to severe traumatic brain injuries. This type of injury requires a great deal of force to cause. If you've seen the picture of Brad's car you can easily recognize that some serious force was caused. Because the hemorrhage usually does not occur without extensive associated damage, the outcome is rarely good.
Prognosis is also dismal when IVH exists and blood pressure levels are not controlled. This can result in dangerous increases in intracranial pressure and can cause potentially fatal brain herniation. This is why he needs rest and little stimulation. They are doing their very best to medicate and isolate so that his swelling does not go up or stay elevated.
I hope this information helps and does not hinder. It may be easy to look at all this information and get stuck thinking the worst. My desire is truly to take in the complexity and difficulty at it's fullest so that I may marvel at what God does with this story. For all of us! It may be a full and rich recovery for Brad, in which I am whole-heartedly praying for. But if His message is for me to be greater aware of the legacy I'm leaving, I'm listening!
I am especially thankful for each of your comments and prayers. I am humbled and am unable to fathom how much love exists in what often times looks like a broken, dog-eat-dog world... but love wins. This love is graciously being poured out on us through you! Still I am humbled that so many would care. Thank you! Continue to pray for Brad. Feel free to share these posts with someone else if they are of any help. Maybe someone that is going through a similar situation could use this. Continue to pray for our family and know we would love to pray for yours. Continue to believe that love wins!
An intraventricular hemorrhage, often abbreviated "IVH," is a bleeding into the brain's ventricular system, where the cerebrospinal fluid is produced and circulates through towards the subarachnoid space. This is a direct result from the physical trauma to his head. This is also something that may happen when one has hemorrhaging from a stroke. Brad has not had a stroke, he had a high-impact collision with a bus.
Intraventricular hemorrhaging has been found to occur in 35% of moderate to severe traumatic brain injuries. This type of injury requires a great deal of force to cause. If you've seen the picture of Brad's car you can easily recognize that some serious force was caused. Because the hemorrhage usually does not occur without extensive associated damage, the outcome is rarely good.
Prognosis is also dismal when IVH exists and blood pressure levels are not controlled. This can result in dangerous increases in intracranial pressure and can cause potentially fatal brain herniation. This is why he needs rest and little stimulation. They are doing their very best to medicate and isolate so that his swelling does not go up or stay elevated.
I hope this information helps and does not hinder. It may be easy to look at all this information and get stuck thinking the worst. My desire is truly to take in the complexity and difficulty at it's fullest so that I may marvel at what God does with this story. For all of us! It may be a full and rich recovery for Brad, in which I am whole-heartedly praying for. But if His message is for me to be greater aware of the legacy I'm leaving, I'm listening!
I am especially thankful for each of your comments and prayers. I am humbled and am unable to fathom how much love exists in what often times looks like a broken, dog-eat-dog world... but love wins. This love is graciously being poured out on us through you! Still I am humbled that so many would care. Thank you! Continue to pray for Brad. Feel free to share these posts with someone else if they are of any help. Maybe someone that is going through a similar situation could use this. Continue to pray for our family and know we would love to pray for yours. Continue to believe that love wins!
More Info on Brad's Status
Tonight I will simply give you information. Doctors have been a bit more clear over the last 24 hours about Brad's condition. He suffered what they call a Cerebral Contusion with a hemorrhage near the brain stem located on the left side. They have not stated whether he suffered any damage to any lobe, in which could be a more serious case, but they have indicated that this could mean Brad may remain unconscious for weeks to months. I have been amazed at how much patience and care the physicians and nurses have given under such extreme circumstances. It speaks volumes about their character and the legacy they will leave. Brad will most likely have a tracheotomy and food line inserted on Monday. This will allow for more comfort and long term distribution of nutrition and respiratory care. They will plan to remove a monitor from his cranium so they may take a MRI and clear him from any neck injuries. He has had a CT scan and multiple chest x-rays today but I have yet to hear the outcome. They have removed a chest tube that would drain and remove toxins from his body. They did so because there was no longer anything to clear. Because of the need for them to eliminate stimulation and lower his brain swelling, we would greatly appreciate that any visitation be done at a later stage. Continue to pray for this little fella to heal. Continue to hope for us. Continue to believe in the unseen and uncomprehending things that only faith produce.
Going Home
One week ago today I received a phone call that changed the course of the day entirely. Back in Florida last Friday we were planning to take our girls to see "Tangled" once again but instead found myself breaking that date to be planning a trip that one would rather not take. But today I go home. Later this afternoon I will navigate the snow covered roads to board a plane transporting me to a destination far warmer than this one. Although I miss the dance parties with my little girls, their sweet gentle voices that remind me of how deeply I am loved, and especially the late night Scrabble nights with my wife that fill my soul and appease my need for quality time, I leave this place with sorrow. Please do not confuse this statement and read into it as if I leave here without hope or that I leave here without peace; that's not what my statement communicates. It clearly means to me that although I am a man full of faith reverent to a God that is omnipresent, I'm not apathetic. Nor should we be! More importantly we take joy in suffering (not that it is pleasurable and not because it demands comfort) but because Jesus endured grand suffering to teach us where you may receive unmatched comfort. So going home in a sense can feel, at the same time, like a funeral and a wedding. Today the doctors have stated that my brother is no longer considered a potential short-term brain damage patient but a long-term one. That I'm sure leaves you with questions. With all honesty I'd love to satisfy your queries and quench your thirst for answers, but I'm unable to fill that need even for myself. I've found that the more information I gather the more questions I have. Not that knowledge is poor or discounted, it just doesn't do the trick. Add to that the flashing signals that test you. Like the fact that there is a Chaplin focusing on our family well knowing all the educated facts delivered from my brother's physician. Being a pastor I know that side of the table all too well myself. So there is significant reason for us to be concerned with my brother's current prognosis. He is not getting better nor is he getting worse. He is just in this "waiting room" that seems to be no different than us. A place between going home, somewhere in Vicksburg, and "going home". I long for both to happen. Yet I would be more concerned if I knew that his destination will end here. You see Brad had an encounter with this guy named, Jesus. It's been some time since they met and they've been friends for years. He's really a great guy; Jesus that is! Brad, too. But Jesus changed Brad's life. Not me or his fiancé, although each of us have had some significant influence, but Jesus. Words cannot express how my heart fills with thankfulness due to an encounter with Jesus. This type of security surely comforts a man that must get on a plane and go back to serving his family in a different capacity. This man knows confidently that Brad's destination will be a sanctuary of healing and joy no matter the direction his health takes. You see going home isn't easy or sometimes even what we want to do, but it is what we need to do. It is a place of comfort, a place of reconciliation and rest, a place in which our "heart" is satisfied. So I will gladly go home and fully lean on God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11. That He is intentional and out for our benefit, not our pleasure. I will rest assured that He can be "big brother" in supplement of me. So I ask you to continue to pray for Bradley. Please continue to pray for my family. Please continue to pray for the families that are here suffering and possibly not being prayed for. And please take a moment to take an inventory of your current values and the life that you've been granted stewardship over. I'm going home. May I ask about you?
This Waiting Room
It is incredibly unsettling that each day I meet new families in this waiting room. Everyday I grow more hopeful for my brother's recovery yet I see another family come in and have to embrace the same struggles. I'm not sure why I'm sensitive to this revelation, but for whatever reason I am. As I sit here and stare at my brother and wonder at the amazing man and what he has accomplished and he will accomplish, I gravitate towards the many families that share this floor with me. Each are waiting. Waiting for more information on their loved one's situation and prognosis. Each depending on the knowledge and experience of the doctor. Each moving through the five stages of grief and quite possibly dealing with such circumstances without a prayer warrior! Still each of us are submitting, most likely involuntarily & unwillingly, to this waiting room. This is a place where we have no facts or conclusion. We seek hope and we want results. As I engage in conversations I realize that many people love many people and truly want healing. With that in mind it makes me wonder why my brother has yet to wake up. It makes me wonder if he, my God, being all powerful, would rather look to moving hearts into the right position before He heals physical wounds. Maybe you are part of a family that needs relational healing... aren't we all? Maybe you sense that you need to go a bit further to make things right. Maybe you have been in the waiting room before and need some questions answered. Maybe. At this moment it is very real to me that we are in a waiting room that in which some moment or someday our God will place us in a location that only gives healing and hope. What about you?
Blue Moon & Water Street
So there are few things in which I can honestly say this temperature challenged state of Michigan has that Florida can't "one up" them on, but here are two of them; Blue Moon Ice Cream and Water Street Coffee. These functional comforts have moved in and played the part of friend to my restlessness the past few days. I can only imagine that anyone that has to surrender to traumatic circumstances seeks the currency of comfort. Maybe we all do? Even those that fully consider today a "good day". Today is a good day. My brother is still laying in the same thin, plain bed with the same obnoxious tubing, but there are pictures on the wall. Pictures that announced his engagement to his fiancé, Jessica. Pictures of him laughing and smiling more brilliantly than the sun itself. Brad was planning on making April 2nd of 2011 a day that he would exchange his life for a life paired and married to her. Unfortunately our current situation has propelled us into making changes. Changes that most likely will result in that day taking place in a different season. Although this may seem sad or weight on one's joy, I sense something bigger being worked out. While Brad continues to battle the giants and patiently endure my poorly delivered jokes (he can't tell me to leave the room, he's sleeping), the room resonates a pure fragrance of a man dearly loved. Being someone that naturally views things from 30,000 feet, I see God playing caretaker in so many lives. Not only working on the physical healing of my brother, but the broken hearts that have gravitated to his side. I have had the privilege to see redemption, restoration, and reconciliation that only a deity larger than life itself could orchestrate! None of us would ever rationally write a story that embraces the notion of Brad potentially needing to sacrifice his life for old friends and family to resurface and find healing, but God has. Maybe you are reading hoping that at some point I will detail you on Brad's prognosis. Maybe fill you in on whether or not he is doing well or he has jumped over the mortality hurdle. The vivid truth is that none of us have those kind of answers. I find myself doing all I can to acquire knowledge on his condition and intellectually plan out his recovery. Probably because it is more comforting to do than submit to the mantra of "our days are numbered". Yet they are. I'm going to ask you for a favor. Take a moment today to pray for Brad. Take a moment today to pray for the families that are here in the waiting room with me that are at this very moment dealing with the agony of what intensive care delivers. Take a moment to pray for the other patients on this same floor that may be doing far worse than Brad and may not have anyone praying for them. But maybe even more vital, take a moment to simply look at your life and challenge your thoughts and actions. Each of us are moments away from change. Maybe the impetus for change in your life is chaos. Maybe it's a collision that you've been trying to avoid at all costs. But what if instead today the impetus was choice? What if before the collision you seek to change the course? What if you were to put that project on hold to spend a moment listening to your wife's dreams? What if you paid that bill a day late and used that moment to listen to your children laugh? What if you stopped holding on to what that person did to you years ago and meet with them to share a hug... maybe it can be over some Blue Moon Ice Cream or some Water Street Coffee? I wonder just what might happen!? You see, no matter where you find comfort or how far you run, our days are numbered. I beg you, use them well!
Pragmatic Update
As I sit here with my comforting Perrier I felt the desire to give, as best as I can, an update on Brad's resilient battle thus far. Assuming that you know Brad and the Barbaric Warrior that he is, you may have many unanswered questions and some constant internal dialogue nagging at you like a dripping faucet in the middle of the night. With that being said, I'd like you to feel free to be our family for the next few minutes as I brief you on our experience.
At the moment Brad is laying on a thin bed with tubes supporting his breathing, taking away toxins, and feeding him medication. Doctors have informed us that the issue of mortality is still a reality, but we serve and love a God that often finds humor in our plans and writes a story that can only explain his existence. Brad has some slight brain swelling from the trauma of the accident. He also has a small hemorrhage near his brain stem which has hindered his mobility on the right side of his body. He has a pair of damaged lungs and is being medicated with antibiotics for an infection in the lungs. His vitals are excellent and their focus is on cultivating an environment that leads to rehabilitation. Their belief is that it will most likely take months to beat the giants ahead of him. I'd like to believe that his closed eyes will open and call me a dork for being so concerned... but I am. I just won't let him know it! There isn't as much laughing today as there was yesterday, but there is joy. My mind continues to vividly revisit moments of my life with Brad. Fishing at the lake, telling him to not cry and to not tell mom that I smashed his finger with a hammer, laughing at him for thinking he could pull off urban style. But our story doesn't end today. Our story has the potential to echo long past the time we spend here. We are more than simply a birth date, dash, and closing time. We live a life that permeates stories. Stories of struggle, adversity, tragedy, and redemption. Today I pray that you are well aware of the potential you may have. I pray that today you know that you are not just the story that you have already lived, but the one that is yet unwritten. I pray that you pray for us and my brother. Mostly, I pray!
At the moment Brad is laying on a thin bed with tubes supporting his breathing, taking away toxins, and feeding him medication. Doctors have informed us that the issue of mortality is still a reality, but we serve and love a God that often finds humor in our plans and writes a story that can only explain his existence. Brad has some slight brain swelling from the trauma of the accident. He also has a small hemorrhage near his brain stem which has hindered his mobility on the right side of his body. He has a pair of damaged lungs and is being medicated with antibiotics for an infection in the lungs. His vitals are excellent and their focus is on cultivating an environment that leads to rehabilitation. Their belief is that it will most likely take months to beat the giants ahead of him. I'd like to believe that his closed eyes will open and call me a dork for being so concerned... but I am. I just won't let him know it! There isn't as much laughing today as there was yesterday, but there is joy. My mind continues to vividly revisit moments of my life with Brad. Fishing at the lake, telling him to not cry and to not tell mom that I smashed his finger with a hammer, laughing at him for thinking he could pull off urban style. But our story doesn't end today. Our story has the potential to echo long past the time we spend here. We are more than simply a birth date, dash, and closing time. We live a life that permeates stories. Stories of struggle, adversity, tragedy, and redemption. Today I pray that you are well aware of the potential you may have. I pray that today you know that you are not just the story that you have already lived, but the one that is yet unwritten. I pray that you pray for us and my brother. Mostly, I pray!
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